Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Holliday, everyone

On this, the holiest of days, may all the blessings of hope and love be yours and for your loved ones, and may you live happily in peace, always, with all the joys of the yuletide season, not only today but throughout the coming year, without regret, and with new understanding that each day is sacred in our hearts, and in our dreams, driven by our own personal sleighs, and lit by the beacons of truth and peace on earth, plus goodwill to man, and to all, with love, as stated above; and may prosperity shine upon your family throughout the coming year, and the year after that, and frankly, forever, even long after you and your family are in their eternal graves, feeding microbes that also are blessed in the holiday spirit, whether they appreciate it or not, because they do not believe in anything, which is sad but still okay, because they are special in the eyes of Christmas; and may this wondrous holiday bring the wish that you never collapse suddenly, like a September bullpen team managed by Larry 
Rothschild, for such is the splendor and pureness of this holiday wish, which I again wish to stress is a wish not just for you but for everyone, and not just today but for forever, and from the deepest levels of your atomic composition, which may include the Higgs Boson particle, all the way to the farthest regions of outer space, where entire universes of dark matter are now being obliterated by black holes, which are joyful in their own way, although it is hard for us to understand this, not only on Christmas, but any time, except for the Fourth of July, when we are too fired up with patriotic fervor to think about such things; so, in conclusion, may everything you've ever wanted be yours, and may nothing you never want to happen ever happen, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, may the Yankees win in 2017 and may God strike me down right now if this message is in any way insincere, and damn, I hope I don't get another tie; because they're made in China... ho, ho, ho...

6 comments:

Tom said...

Twas the night before Christmas and I'm checking my favorite Yankee blog just like I do every other day of the year because I'm a nut for the Yankees but I'm not so crazy that I agree with Brian Cashman and I definitely don't think that Hal Steinbrenner has any relationship with the Christmas spirit, certainly not in any of the small, meaningful ways that a lot of us try to practice on a daily basis although I'm sure he makes large, ostentatious gifts to institutions that will provide him and his family better service in college or at the hospital or wherever rich people get to cut to the front of the line while these gifts also represent tax deductions. But I digress. No, I show up here every day to read the dyspeptic and the humor and to inform my Yankee worldview with the commentary from the grouchy old men -- and women? -- who also show up here every day in the spirit of Yankee brotherhood, which probably has little to do with Christmas, especially if you're paying attention to what we say about Boston and the Red Sox. But tonight, when I am visiting with my family and friends, I will take a quiet moment and raise a glass of grog and salute the people with the best answers. Thanks be to that great Yankee in the sky!

13bit said...

I don't think I'll be able to stop weeping all day, such is the joy and emotion that this piece engendered in my otherwise heart-of-darkness-and bitterness heart. Thanks, Duque, for showing me the true path of loving and giving on this day. I'm going to hit Facebook right now and block about ten more people who just don't understand...

Anonymous said...

TO TOM....JOHN M..... anonymous...... LBJ......KD........ALPHONSO......EL DUQUE AND ALL OTHERS I MAY HAVE LEFT OUT....... HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY GUYS.

John M said...

Thanks, Anonymous, and I second your emotion. Tom, beautiful thoughts, and 13bit, I share your enthusiasm for the holiday blocking spirit.

For all the aging boys of summer, here and abroad, protecting our way of life (which is to say, our right to carp about the Yankees management) (or should I say mismanagement...as in mis-tletoe, of course), a merry Christmas, happy Hannukah and cool Kwanzaa, and as they used to sing on the old commercials, Old Spice means quality from the Captain to the Higgs-Boson. So Mr. Jeter, that means you and the universe can both smell great this holiday season.

On a side note: Yes, Alphonso, there is a performance clause, and it's going to catch up to Mr. Magoo and The Littlest Manning...

Now where did I put down my nog....

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Guys, have a very Merry Christmas.

The original post and these comments are the funniest I've read in a long time. Imagine how angry it all might have been if El Duque hadn't made a pledge not to complain until the end of the year. It would have been positively Scrooge-like.

Instead, fun, fun material is coming in from all sides making this is a great place to spend a cold rainy morning with a cup of coffee. We have NFL games in 30 minutes and only 60 or so days until our porous starting rotation shows up for camp.

Ho Ho Ho.


Alphonso said...

And to all a good night.......

- The Mick