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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Today's line from Tampa: Yanks too penniless to afford Boone Logan

To hear the chatter, the Yankees are not asking all that much for Brett Gardner, Jacoby Ellsbury or Chase Headley. We'll trade them anywhere - even to Uncle Buck in Baltimore - for a top 10 prospect and a handful of magic beans. We'll pay a chunk of their salaries, throw in a strand of Christmas lights and maybe get their owner in for a photo op with Donnie Landslide. (Note: Does anyone not believe that Trump only met with Kanye yesterday because he expected Kim to be there, too?) If we can jettison Brett, Jake or Chase... or all three... joy! rapture! happiness! We can afford to sign Boone Logan!

That's the line we're supposed to swallow today: The mighty New York Yankees - richest team on the planet - cannot afford the great Boone Logan - (2-5 last year with a 3.65 ERA in Colorado.) Says Joel Sherman in the Murdoch Post:

The Yankees... are interested in setup men such as Boone Logan and Brad Ziegler. But Hal Steinbrenner continues to mandate lowering payroll in 2017 to give the team an opportunity to get under the $197 million luxury-tax threshold for 2018.

Yep. To take on a salary, we must shed salary. The most telling line in Sherman's story is that it's like selling your current house before you can buy a new one. Surely, that's an analogy Hal Steinbrenner understand, while he juggles credit cards to pay that Time-Warner bill.

Once again, I stand here amazed at how easily, how effortlessly, the owners won this war. They upped prices on game tickets and cable TV rights, gouged the fan base, paid off the players union and installed de facto salary caps. It's brilliant, really. The fans pay the tab, and the rich get richer. Across America, the owners own... and the Yankees can't afford Boone Logan.

Look... I'm not pretending to be moralistic here. I'm not a Che, a Bernie or even a Schumer. (Amy, of course.) I'm a slob. I'm whining not because the EPA is about to be disbanded, or my health insurance will soon disappear, but because at the end of all this madness, the New York Fucking Yankees cannot afford Boone Fucking Logan. Nope. We are supposed to wait patiently until the winter of 2018, when our goal then will be to reduce the team payroll below the magical number of $189 million - so Owner Hal can flip his double-wide. Got that? This year, we'll root for Aaron Judge, Tyler Austin, et al - (and we will, of course)  - not because the Yankees will win anything... but because they are cheap! The battle here is not to take the 2017 World Series - no, no, no - it's for Hal to get below his SELF-IMPOSED spending limit, so he doesn't have to pay luxury taxes. (Remember: it's not a salary cap; those were rejected, and it's not collusion - that was outlawed.)

If we're lucky, next winter, after we've cleared the decks of CC, A-Rod and the entire cast of The Walking Dead, we will achieve that magical number... or maybe we can trade Brett Gardner - a great, just and loyal Yankee - for a bucket of fried chicken. And then, only then, we can afford - gulp - Boone Logan. It sound's like a Satanic chant: booneloganbooneloganboonelogan...

Well... you know what? This is one hostage situation I plan to sit out. Truth be told, I don't give a chirping godddamm whether we sign Boone Frickin' Logan. If he goes elsewhere, I can live with that. One of these days, a Nick from Scranton - Goody, Rumbelow, whatever - will become a serviceable bullpen cog, and we won't have to worry about who pitches the sixth. But it doesn't matter anymore. The owners won. Everything. They don't just own our baseball team. They own us.

12 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Why isn't writing like this in the New York Post?

Brilliantly stated.


KD said...

I fully support Hal, a true man of the people, in his quest to rid the Yanks of the odious luxury tax. With that monkey off his back, Hal will be free to lower ticket and concessions prices in The Stadium for us deplorables. maybe even come to a fair and equitable agreement with Comcast, so that more of us unwashed can enjoy the team.

Thank GOD for owners like Hal Steinbrenner who stand up to the moneyed interests for the benefit of us True Fans. It warms my heart, especially during the Christmas season. THANK YOU HAL!!!

John M said...

I'm laughing too hard to write now....

Alphonso said...

Trump will lower the baseball luxury taxes if Hal can arrange for him to grab Kim Kanye by the pussy.

A least I see that as the logic trail.

Anonymous said...

The reason is so that after 2018 they can have the luxury tax cap reset to a lower rate and then we'll spend like the Yankees spend and sign Harper Machado and make a huge push 4 Kershaw

Anonymous said...

GREAT STUFF, KD AND ALPHONSO.....HAHA...

Anonymous said...

LBJ, You know why there isn't writing like this in the Post: First, it is owned by Uncle Rupie - - a meta-owner, if ever there was one - - and second, nobody there can match the creative talents of our own duque; hell - - they can't even match MY creative talent (cough)....their sports-writers are either earnest but stupid (I won't say who), or they're suck-ups who would do Lonnie & Randy for access to the pearls of wisdom which flow from Cash-Puss's cake-hole - - not to mention Joey Binders, reading from his very own binder!! LB

joe de pastry said...

I know Hal's cheap and doesn't care about us. But here's what I don't understand.
If we aren't trying to win the division this year, which obviously we aren't, why sigh Holliday to DH? I've got no problem with Holliday, but he's the guy you sign if you're trying to win now. If they are focused on 2019, why not let one of the young guys get those DH at bats so they'll have a better idea about which of them can help them win, eventually?

Anonymous said...

THIS IS HILARIOUS.....I JUST READ A REPORT (AGAIN), THAT IS SAYING CHASE HEADLEY MAY BE TRADED..... BUT THE PROBLEM IS CASHMAN SAYS WE DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO REPLACE HIM......HAHAHA!..... IS HE FUCKING NUTS???....... HE REALLY IS FUCKING NUTS......OVER A FULL SEASON, CHASE HEADLEY OFFERED VIRTUALLY NO PRODUCTION (OR CLUTCHNESS) AT ALL...... IT'S SIMPLE ADDITION BY SUBTRACTION (ON TOP OF WHAT DOLLARS MIGHT BE SAVED)....THERE ARE PLENTY OF OPTIONS......OPTION 1.) SLIDE CASTRO OVER TO 3RD BASE ON DAY 1 OF SPRING TRAINING, AND BRING UP GLEYBER FOR 2ND. ....OPTION 2.) SIGN LUIS VALBUENA FOR 3RD FOR WAY LESS THAN THE $12 MILLION HEADLEY WAS GETTING, IT SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM, NOBODY IS KNOCKING DOWN VALBUENA'S DOOR......OPTION 3.) TELL MIGUEL ANDUJAR TO WORK HARD THIS OFF SEASON, BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO BE THE STARTING 3RD BASEMAN FOR THE NEW YORK YANKEES IN 2016.......... OPTION 4.) SLIDE CASTRO OVER TO 3RD BASE, AND IF GLEYBER IS NOT READY, PLAY ROB REFSNYDER AT 2ND BASE ........ IF ALL OPTIONS CRAP OUT, WE STILL HAVE TORREYES TO PUT THERE AT 3RD, (OR GOD FORBID, EVERYONE'S NEW FAVORITE, RUBEN F@CKING TEJADA)....... THE POINT IS YOU CAN'T WIN WITH HEADLEY (UNLESS WE HAVE 5 OR 6 OTHER SUPERSTARS IN OUR LINEUP-WE DON'T), THE FASTER WE RUN HIM OUT OF TOWN, THE FASTER WE CAN GET ON WITH OUR PLANS OF WORLD DOMINATION....... GARDNER MUST GO NOW TOO (HE WILL BE TOO OLD AFTER THIS SEASON)!.....SORRY BUT WE HAVE TO BE COLD BLOODED NOW.....THE RED SOX AIN'T PLAYING GAMES!

Anonymous said...

i'm in love with el duque!

KD said...

we all are, kid. we all are.

Anonymous said...

ha!