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Saturday, December 3, 2016

Yankees enter Cone of Silence while their top scientists study alien CBA

As you read this, a crack team of Yankee super-analysts (pictured right) is scrutinizing MLB's new Collective Bargaining Agreement between the owners and their employees, looking for hairline cracks or possible wormholes into the alien structure's seemingly impenetrable exterior.

For the next 24 to 48 hours, we must ignore the rumors and speculation being mouthed across the Yankiverse. Most of this is produced for fake news sites by underpaid teenagers in Macedonia.
The truth is this: No one knows what lurks inside the agreement, until our greatest legal minds crack the code.

Friday, Brian Cashman warned humanity that the Yankees would enter a seeming hibernation state, while our technicians study the agreement, as he eerily emulated the actions and image of Amy Adams in the current sci-fi hit movie, Arrival. 

God speed these tireless technicians in their work. If one of them can find the Golden Loophole - a way to use Yankee wealth and market resources to win pennants, rather than simply enrich the stockbrokers - there is hope.*

*This assumes the ownership really wants to win, rather than enrich the stockbrokers.


7 comments:

John M said...

The great thing about this era of Yankeedom is that going into the winter, you know they'll do something stupid over the winter. It's like a reverse Christmas gift, and Santa is played by Billy Bob Thornton.

Speaking of celebs, Mike Pence and Race Bannon from "Jonny Quest." Look it up, it's scary.

el duque said...

Note for next four years: From now on, I intend to always refer to Trump as "Landslide."

Anonymous said...

Suggestion for you, Duque: perhaps "Landfill" would be more appropriate....but how come YOUSE guys get to see "The Arrival", and we're still waiting for it to show up in Michigan?? Not fair.

and John M: Billy Bob's 2 Magnum Opii were the greatest thing to Christmas movies since the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" trilogy (the 4th one doesn't count - - 90% stock footage) LB

Anonymous said...

I thought they paid $Man millions to be able to understand the CBA lets go to work imagine him telling the Boss to wait for and understanding

Anonymous said...

As difficult as it is to land a #1 pitcher, especially one with such a favorable contract as Chris Sale possesses, I don't see how the Yankees can't be involved. Involved does not necessarily mean you make the deal. However, a guy that good, with that contract, is the move that could make you a "one guy away from a championship run". Does that mean including Sanchez? No. But, it does include the due diligence to make sure a deal was impossible to reach. Allowing Boston, or really, any American League East team to make that deal, is nuts, imo. At least, be involved enough to drive up the price to Boston. Guys like Sale don't come along that often, and never that inexpensively in real American dollars.

I love the Johnny Quest remark, "Landslide", and "Landfill". I'd also like to place in nomination, "shitslide", which is where I think Trump/Pence will lead the nation. Hopefully, the Electoral College will do their job, which would be to deny Trump the presidency based on his complete lack of ability and qualifications to do the job, as well as his loss of the popular vote by over two million votes.

As for the reason Cashman was rehired, it was to be sure his deals were of maximum benefit to the family business, and then the team. Making sure that the CBA works as much in the favor of the Yankees, is part of that process. Finding any loophole in the CBA that can be exploited to the advantage of the Yankees is why Cashman is the GM. Understanding every piece of the CBA takes time, and it's wise to err on the side of caution, rather than rushing into a step, or more, backward.

Anonymous said...

Sign longoria. We missed. zobrist because of stupidity Sign chapman
And go play baseball

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