Sunday, December 18, 2016

The Jersey Giants have fans thinking of a third miracle

It's been scientifically proven that bad events happen in threes. (Note: Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon died in THE SAME WEEK!) Last summer, when two catastrophes occurred - Dustin Ackley and Aaron Hicks - we should have immediately insured Nathan Eovaldi's elbow. It's the most fundamental law of Newton: Bad shit happens in threes. I shouldn't even have to explain this.

New York Football Giants fans, on the other hand, have somehow convinced themselves in the Trifecta of Miracles - believing that this middling 2016 team is destined to win the Super Bowl, because two past toothless Giants teams did it under the ancient Zen wizard, Tom Coughlin. I've even heard fans claim the Giants will win in the same way as before: by beating mighty New England and Tom Brady. This is ridiculous - magical thinking at its worst.

The Giants will beat Oakland with Derek Carr.

The Raiders are younger than the Pats, who have lost Rob Gronkowski. Clearly, this magical, mirthfully enchanted miracle team will win because

a) it has no rushing game,
b) its offensive line is in tatters and
c) Eli Manning hands out interceptions like Christmas candy.

Obviously, the Giants are Super Bowl bound.

But but BUT... there is a threat to this. Last week, the Manhattan Miracles beat Dallas, the NFC's top team. If the Giants enter the playoffs as favorites, the magic dust will wear off. To win, they must look horrible in the season's final weeks.

Thus, they shall lose today at home to Detroit.

Bet the house.

7 comments:

Alphonso said...

I wonder of Beckham can pitch?

13bit said...

this all sounds like the reasoning of a longtime Jets fan.

joe de pastry said...

Screw the Giants. I care about only the Yankees.

Anonymous said...

Well, Duque, your reverse juju worked this time - - though I don't know why anyone would want to waste it on the present-day Giants....in YA Tittie's day, sure....but now?? Even less so, the Yets, with the odious Woody's Johnson owning them.

Have to agree with Joe de Pastry - - screw the Giants (if and when you can find them); but did anyone see my Aaaron Rodgers pull another one out of his - - um - - hat?? GO, PACK (the only team which doesn't have a billionaire owner, btw). LB

Anonymous said...

HAHA...I LIKE JOE DE PASTRY'S LINE... ME TOO....ITS A YANKEE WORLD............I LOVE FOOTBALL AND BET A LOAD ON IT, BUT COULDN'T GIVE A FLYING F@CK WHO WINS WEEK TO WEEK
SUPER BOWL?
PATRIOTS
VS.
SEATTLE
BOOK IT.

John M said...

The Giants don't look like a "great" team, but after watching a team like Green Bay almost blow a huge lead and barely sneak by the terrible Bears, guess what? NOBODY looks like a great team, God bless NFL parity. So it's just as likely that this year's less-than-great Giants team joins the previous less-than-great Giant teams that won the Super Bowl.

It ain't the 80s anymore.

Anonymous said...

Did you get to watch it, John? I envy you if you did - - I had to watch a cartoon simulation - - all I could get, because Fox decided we "wanted" the Lions against your not-great team.

You're absolutely right, the defense went off and took a nap in the fourth quarter - - at least until faced with 1st & goal, and a minute and change left....very alarming....but Aaron Rodgers, with Jordy Nelson (NOT the team) pulled it out.

As long as the Patriots do NOT win the SB, I won't be tooooo unhappy. LB