Saturday, November 18, 2017

Boone, Bam Bam, Wedgie, Thomson... will it ever end?

This was the original Vegas odds sheet, shortly after Girardi's firing.
Good thing you didn't lay down your money, eh?
At the rate we're going, the Yankees will name their new manager on June 1, when we're eight games out under the interim House of Larry Rothschild. I mean, this is crazy! Who expected this talent search to still be chugging along after Thanksgiving? It's already outlasted Kevin Spacey, Robert Mugabe and the 2017 Jersey Giants. And look! Look what's happening: This rudderless world is going mad. People are seeing penises in the sky! An Italian doctor is ready to transplant human heads. (Alphonso? Are you ready?) It was bad enough to have Roy Moore and Al Franken accused of womanizing - (in Moore's case, "girl-izing") - but now... Ryan Seacrest? Say it aint so! This is what happens when the Yankees go skipperless. Rifts open with the Yankee Matrix. Every day, thousands of lifelong Yank fans collapse in nursing homes, hospitals and Lazy-Boy recliners, never even learning who will be 2018 Yankee Manager. Their ghosts shall walk the earth, shaking eternity fists in the direction of Tampa and demanding to know the hell who is fucking things up now? 

The Vegas odds chart upstairs ran shortly after Joe Girardi's firing. If it didn't look like bullshit then, it sure does now. No sign of Eric Wedge, Hensley Meulens or Aaron Boone - three of the four candidates who thus far have publicly French-kissed Brian Cashman's ring. (The Dodgers Chris Woodward is said to be on the list of future interviews.) It's possible that Rob Thomson - then considered the front-runner - has been the secret pick all-along, and everything else is just auditions for The Voice. Thomson was first to visit the Inner Sanctum. But really... at this point, who knows anything?

What we do know is that Joe Espada, one of the original leaders, has taken a job with the Houston Astros. Probably, somebody whispered that his number would not be called. A few others - Tim Naering, Jason Giambi and A-Rod - have taken their names out of consideration. John Flaherty and David Cone tossed their hats into the ring at a charity function, but that was press fodder, and I'm not sure if either ever made the real list. Supposedly, more names are coming. It's hard to believe the front office wouldn't even interview Al Pedrique, acclaimed manager at Scranton for the last two years. He's still holding out hope. But if they don't even bring him in, what does it say about his future in the organization?

If there is a dark horse, my guess would be Jay Bell, who until a few days ago was busy managing a handful of Yankee prospects in the Arizona Fall League. That would have delayed any interview he could have arranged. But jeez, I dunno. Having missed the penis in the sky, I'm just hoping to live long enough to know the answers, rather than to spend my eternity whining about Girardi, when he's not even there. Howl, howl, howl...

9 comments:

Yankee Shamus said...

#BringBackTheGoldenThong

13bit said...

Is Tony Pena chopped liver or something? What happened to Tony?

Leinstery said...

Give me Bill Parcells. I'm sure he could do the job.

JM said...

I hear McAdoo will be looking for work soon.

Bam Bam, Thompson, Pedrique, Pena...you don't have to leave the extended Yankees family to find a good candidate. I don't see how Cash fucks this up, but you know Cash...such a kidder.

Why the parade of potential poobahs, though? You have to think most of the guys being interviewed and/or discussed don't have a prayer. So what's the point of the chorus line of hopefuls? (Speaking of "A Chorus Line," all interviewees are reportedly asked to sing "I Hope I Get It," "I Can Do That," or "What I Did For Love." There is also rumored to be a swimsuit competition requested by Hal "Kinky Boots" Steinbrenner.)

And this is just for the manager position. We have batting, pitching, first base, third base, bullpen, and strength coaches yet to go. Will the new skipper have to get approval from the real skippers for every one? Will there be more parades besides the one on Thanksgiving yet to go?

The mind gobbles.

Anonymous said...

The Master has been under consideration. But what about Mike Francesa? He'll be out of work soon.

KD said...

The parade is to divert our attention.

Anonymous said...

IT'S ACTUALLY BECOMING A JOKE.

NICE WORK CASH.

ranger_lp said...

They should have a contest at Yankee Stadium at every game to pick a home manager from the crowd. The raffle winner will get an upgrade from his/her seat to the Yankee dugout from which he/she will be the day's manager. The winner will also be in a raffle for a 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee at the end of the season. After all, we're driven by Jeep. Might be fun.

Don't know how the road manager is chosen. Maybe a contest for that too.

Anonymous said...

I'll take BamBam.

None of these guys are exactly inspiring though.

--some other anon, different from the others.