Friday, November 10, 2017

What's the real reason for this drawn out process of naming the next Yankee manager?

Over the last 48 hours, the list of candidates to be Next Yankee whipping mule Manager supposedly has expanded by three - David Cone, John Flaherty and Aaron Boone - with each offering one key talent: The ability to seamlessly take over and rebrand The Joe Girardi Show, in much the way that Dick Sargent replaced Dick York on Bewitched... that is, Samantha (aka Meredith Marakovits) will pretend to not even notice! (But we will.)

And let's not kid ourselves: The Aaron Boone Show - or The Coney Show! - is no small potatoes. In fact, it's worth wondering how much actual weight it will carry in the managerial search.

Let me put it this way: Will anyone watch The Al Pedrique Show?

In the upside-down world of sports culture, the YES Network - built around the airing of Yankee games - is worth more than the team itself. How can I speak such blasphemy? In 2014, Rupert Murdoch bought 80 percent of YES for $3.9 billion. Last May, Forbes estimated the worth of the Yankees at $3.4 billion - yep - a half-billion less, two years later. (Once again, let these numbers remind us of the ridiculously unfathomable wealth of the Steinbrenner family, next time Hal poor-mouths about luxury taxes.)

Hence, I'm wondering how critical it will be for the next Yankee whipping mule manager to be an experienced media phony, who can woo Suzyn in the Managers Show and survive 30 excruciating minutes with Ms. Meredith once a week. (By the way, it's not her fault; watching managers visit pizza shops and petting zoos isn't exactly talk show gold.) The World Series managers over the last three years - Ned Yost, Terry Collins, Terry Francona, Joe Maddon, AJ Hinch and Dave Roberts - made their bones as managers, not baseball versions of Ryan Seacrest. (And Roberts works in LA, where blowing kisses on camera is paramount.) 

So, I ask: Are the stories true or fake news? Are the Yankees really pondering Coney, Flash and Booney? We'll soon know - maybe, anyway - if they receive invitations for sit-down interviews with Cooperstown Cashman. This week, Rob Thomson - odds on fave in Las Vegas on Oct. 27, when the above chart was published - endured a five-hour tribunal, describing what he'll do when Aaron Judge has his bad month, or Dellin Betances goes Todd Proctor. How much was Thomson explaining his philosophy, and how much was he auditioning for CenterStage with Michael Kay?

Clearly, the Yankees have one key advantage: Even though he's joined at the hip with the reanimated corpse of Rupert Murdoch, Prince Hal doesn't have to give a shit about the zombified, feces-faced cadaver and his army of the dead. The Yankees will enter 2018 with a young, emerging lineup and sky-high expectations, pulling solid ratings no matter who stands grimacing in the dugout. YES viewership will shoot through the roof, especially if the team signs the Japanese Babe Ruth. Thus, I wonder if  the real reason for this lengthy trial is something else, entirely.

Could the process less related to bullpens and more to Harvey Feinstein and Bill O'Reilly?

Yep. Bingo. I'm betting the Evil Empire is vetting every candidate on the chances of a New York Times front page expose on April 1, where a dozen women share dick pix or lurid stories from hotel rooms in the Catskills. If a Yankee manager were thus charged - even if happened in 1992 - imagine how ESPN - (think: Boston) - would explode with indignation. I'm betting that Cash is waiting for the Steele dossiers to be finished. It's a new world, folks. You can call it the upside-down, but I'd call it the new due diligence and - frankly - overdue-due. Which means no doo-doo, right?


Local Bargain Jerk said...

Just a point of curiosity: Why isn't Jim Leyland on the odds list?

Honey Barnes said...

IN our new world order, I am convinced that the new manager will be the person who is the most gifted at acting as a human mud flap, protecting the Genius Cash from any dirt. Job description: Deny, Deflect and Distort.
Further, if they can pass thru with maximum efficiency the credit for all success, that person is a lock.
The ultimate goal is not the accumulation of wins, but rather burnishing the credentials of the mighty Cash as he seeks to dethrone the mighty THEO as this decades Genius G.M.

A properly programmed Chat Bot or a Ham Sandwich will do.

Just saying...

Leinstery said...

I think Jim Leyland is pretty much retired.

Duque, off topic but with Christmas season right around the corner can I expect a brand new carol from the Master? Or does this not count since he's already singing the lyrics?

John M said...

I think Honey Barnes has a great idea.

Let's have a ham sandwich as manager. Hell, it would make fewer mistakes than Girardi, and be easier to watch during the post-game interviews.

Maybe we could get a bottle of beer as bench coach.

Alphonso said...

So, if the manager isn't a woman, it could be Eliot Spitzer?

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Leyland managed the US to the WBC title this year but I suppose managing a WBC tournament is different than managing in NYC. So perhaps he is, for all practical purposes, retired.

My thinking was that if former Tiger manager Ausmus is on the list, why not Leyland? Also, I think Leyland would be good. Being able to relate to younger players is as much a function of personality as it is of age.

el duque said...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

But it's "Christmas," dammit. I will not take part in a war on Christmas.

As we all know, Happy Hollidays = Allahu Akbar!

Anonymous said...




Leinstery said...

You know I'm against the war on Christmas, it's one of the longest running and bloodiest wars in the modern day. I still remember that muslim guy driving his truck through the Berlin Christmas market screaming Happy Holidays. However, Bing was a good Catholic boy and sang the song in what the 40's? I think this can get a pass.

If not can we get a featured track by Suzyn? Christmas in George's box.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

This choice would be fun, if only because, if he's hired, the back page tabloid headlines are sure to read "Yanks Pick a Wedgie".

Carl Weitz said...

I think you meant Scott Proctor, not Todd. I think Todd is one of those fake ministers.