Sunday, November 12, 2017

Dead Zone holds breath over Justus's left nutsack


Greetings from the Dead Zone of sports news. How can I speak such blaspheme? Well, here's a headline about an incident in the Arizona Fall League this weekend.

Yesterday, in the Arizona Fall League, somebody whacked a come-backer at Justus Sheffield. It hit him on the left quad, inches from the Promised Land. The manager and pitching coach came out to the mound. Justus gamely threw a few warm up pitches. They took him out. He's now probably reading comic books in the hot tub.

If this had happened to CC Sabathia in a playoff game, it would be a paragraph in one of those sections that used to be headlined "Diamond Dust" or "Game Notes." But it didn't happen to CC in a playoff game. It happened to a guy most Yankee fans think is Gary Sheffield's son - that is - if they don't think it's Gary Sheffield himself, and they're wondering why Gary is pitching? Secondarily, it didn't happen in a playoff game. It happened in the Arizona dirt league, while Justus was hurling for the Scotsdale Somethingorothers. It is roughly three months before pitchers and catchers report to Tampa - the world could be in nuclear war by then - and here is a story in the Daily News about Justus Sheffield nearly tweaking his gonad and - get this - I read it in a Rod Serling narrated state of panic, fearing the worst - and that is because we are in the Dead Zone of sports news.

Today, the awful Giants play the horrible San Francisco 49ers in their quests to be the worst team in the most diseased pro sport. Dead Zone. The Knicks are currently enjoying one of their brief, early season flings with respectability, thanks to the absence of Carmelo. Dead Zone. The Mets, the Jets, the Rangers... who cares? Dead Zone. Tomorrow, maybe Chance Adams' dog will be diagnosed with ringworm. Now, that'll be news!

2 comments:

Leinstery said...

Gary Sheffield and his wife have a TV show where they redesign houses or something. Saw a commercial for it. Yeah that headline made my buttocks shudder, but then I read the first line and realized it was nothing. I saw last week scouts are now saying he's a top of the rotation guy, up from a middle rotation piece when they traded for him.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Gary Sheffield should forget redesigning houses. I might actually part with money for a Pay Per View (if the price was reasonable) to watch Sheffield climb into a ring with that asshole Boston fan who punched him when he made that play down the right field line in Fenway. Sheffield clearly wanted to climb in the stands and wallop the piss out of the guy and I'd love to see the guy finally get his due.

The undercard, of course could be either Karim Garcia or Jeff Nelson and that other asshole Red Sox employee who they kicked the crap out of in the bullpen when employee wouldn't leave.

I'd say $25 for such a PPV event would be fair. Why aren't I in charge of things like this?