Taking break from ownership collusion, the eco-Yanks turn to composting!

Yesterday, the office of Yankee CEO Harold Z. Steinbrenner announced that his venerable franchise has hired an "environmental science adviser" to offer guidance on dealing with the well-known Chinese hoax of climate change. Congrats to all! It's heartening to know that our eco-billionaire plans to study energy savings on the heat lamps for the famously poisonous foodstuffs the Yankees sell.

Announced Harold Z. - (fun fact: it stands for Zieg) - in a statement: 

“The Yankees have always been devoted to supporting the best interest of our community, our fans and our players, and we believe effective eco-friendly initiatives are a key element of our interaction. We have made significant strides throughout the years, and as such, Yankee Stadium is proud to promote a zero-waste economy, and stand as one of the most successful recycling and composting venues in all of sports.”

Yep. We can now understand the signings of Troy Tulowtizki, J.A. Happ, Zach Britton, and CC Sabathia: 

The Yankees are composting. 

They are perfecting the science of rot. 

Fans, don't throw out that last french fry. It can be mixed into the clay around second base to form a firm pate. The bag it came in can power a grease-fueled bullpen cart, while the home dugout is warmed by methane bursts from Larry Rothschild. It's a new world, and the eco-Yanks will lead the way over gas-guzzling Boston.

(By the way, something tells me that a) the eco-Yankees have identified a tax break in there somewhere and b) maybe eco-Randy Levine may yet end up as Trump's White House Chief of Staff. But let's not lap ourselves here.) 

Recycling the lead: The Yankees are composting!

Fun facts: By definition, "compost" is "a mixture that consists largely of decayed organic matter and is used for fertilizing and conditioning land." The verb "compost" means "to convert a material such as decayed plant debris to compost."

Wait a minute. Don't get me wrong. What the eco-Yankees are doing is actually commendable. Once again, they are leading the way in pro sports. Nobody will praise Eco-Bill Belichick's-Patriots, because there is no such thing. But then again, Yankee leadership is nothing new.

In fact, the Yankees' willingness this winter to collude over the price of free agents such as Manny Machado and Bryce Harper has helped to artificially keep down the salaries. In a few years - when the federal courts are done, and the players' strike is underway - MLB will be flourishing, that is, if its stadiums are still above sea level.

What a sad ingrate I am. Here, the Yankees do something nice, and I am whining about their lack of interest in Dallas Keuchel. Still, I feel the way I do when some Hollywood celebrity wins praise for spending a zillion dollars to make their oceanfront mansion "carbon-friendly." The thought is there, but it's just... bullshit. It's compost. It doesn't hurt anyone. But nothing has changed, aside from the self-righteousness. The eco-Yankees will save nickel bottle deposits, while MLB revenues explode beyond our imagination. Owners are raking in the dough, and then poor-mouthing about the wasted contracts of Jacoby Ellsbury and Albert Pujols. They have it both ways, and why I am kidding myself? They always will.

We are supposed to be a "fully operational Death Star." That's good. Because in space, nobody can hear you scream.