THE WRONG EARTH, written by Mustang and published by El Duque, is out now!

Thursday, January 10, 2019

This excruciating wait on Manny Machado has really gotten old

Tampa _ Responding to critics, Yankee owner Hal Steinbrenner yesterday emerged from his secretive inner sanctum to perform magic tricks with freshly minuted coins. 

In front of astonished reporters, Steinbrenner swallowed 10 pennies, along with castor oil, milk of magnesia and a quart of Fleet Phospho-Soda. Minutes later, to rousing cheers, he excreted the coins into a heated metal press, where they were remolded into shiny copper earrings displaying the renowned Yankee logo. Each pair was then auctioned off as a limited edition Steiner Collectible, starting at $1,000, with proceeds going to the Randy Levine Family Boat Fund Charity, named for the famous Yankee executive who was once considered for the Trump administration's White House Chief of Staff...

Okay, this is what happens when nothing happens. 

And that's where we've been now for nearly a month: Baseball's version of the government shutdown.

Today, the owners - led by Hal Steinbrenner - continue to squeeze pennies in their butts, while dear Manny Machado takes his good, sweet time in deciding where to play next year. T'was the week before Christmas when The Man toured NYC, Chicago and Philly (where he stood in the rain), and got to see his face plastered across stadium Jumbotrons, the new cheap way of glad-handing a self-indulgent star.

This happened about 10 days after Food Stamps Hal pulled out his pants pockets and said "No mas" in the bidding war over Patrick Corbin, the best free agent pitcher on the market. Hal didn't have the money because - well, we were told - there were other free agents out there. (Wink, wink. Cue the Manny footage on the Jumbotron.)

According to accounts today, the Yankees have never made Manny a formal offer, which - if you think about it - is not only damning from a management angle, but almost infuriating. They're not even low-balling the guy, because - what? - do they fear he wants to mollify his wife so badly that he might accept it? In which case they'd be stuck with one of baseball's best players for seven to ten years. Oh, no! can't have that!

What's clear is that MLB's ownership cartel has obliterated the once formidable players union. While it's hard to summon sympathy for Machado - who will wrangle $25-$30 million per season, wherever he goes - scrap heap veterans will scramble for peanuts. Meanwhile, the profits going to the owners - (see the chart in a previous post) - are literally soaring off the pages. How many pennies can Hal swallow? With money, the guy has become a Pac-Man. 

Listen: I still dunno what to do about Machado. He's a great player but a bad fit on the 2019 Yankees. (Bryce Harper, on the other hand, would electrify Gotham and terrorize Boston.) But it apparently doesn't matter. And if Hal continues to plead poverty in the face of unprecedented profits - and if there is a God - the Yankees shouldn't matter, either. They have one advantage - money from the strongest market in American sports. But will they use it? 

Increasingly, it looks like the answer is no. The Yankees will stand pat around the $200 million payroll mark, let the Dodgers and Redsocks outspend them, and chase another Wild Card. Hal will accept what has become the worst decade in Yankee history - yes, fewer world championships than the Horace Clarke 60's and the Matt Nokes '80s - the darkest periods in Yankee history. Our boy owner will turn out to be worse than CBS. But it doesn't matter. There is no God. Hal has a super power: He can eat money, then shit it out and sell it, as a profit. 

And this is how we pass the time, while Manny decides...

21 comments:

Jaraxle said...

I’ve been rooting for the Yankees since 74 but if they really pull this cheap bs I’m done. It’s like the scene from Bronx tale, they don’t give a f about you so why do you care

KD said...

so we go with AnDUjar and Red Thunder (sorry Gardy. you know I love you) and hope that guys stay healthy/turn things around/be consistent. win 100 games, then the wild card, and anything can happen. I'd almost buy that if we had one more front line starter, which I believe we will need to go deep into the post season. without that I see, at best, a repeat of 2018 but that would be a resounding success for Hal and Brian.

13bit said...

I would like to see this piece in the Post or the Times, Duque. Too bad they're such prudes and have no taste.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

"Bryce Harper, on the other hand, would electrify Gotham and terrorize Boston"
YES YES> HELL YES!
To dream the impossible dream!

13bit said...

BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.
BRIAN IS A MORON.
HAL DOESN'T CARE.

Carl Weitz said...

Good idea, 13 Bit. Duque should send this entry into the NY Times as a guest op-ed piece or a letter to the editor.

Anonymous said...

Here's something to give us all pause. RAB listed the likely opening day line up if no changes are made.

Catcher: Gary Sanchez
First Base: Luke Voit
Second Base: Gleyber Torres
Shortstop: Troy Tulowitzki
Third Base: Miguel Andujar
Left Field: Brett Gardner
Center Field: Aaron Hicks
Right Field: Aaron Judge
Designated Hitter: Giancarlo Stanton

Uh... No. Not only is that team not championship caliber it would be pretty much unwatchable. Wait! Unwatchable... on YES... ratings go down. Price of YES goes down... where have I heard this before? :)

Seriously there has to be change. That team is bad on both sides of the ball. How do you how TWO guys on the left side of the infield who lack range? One can be compensated for. TWO?

Add errors by the 2B, an inability to dig balls out of the dirt at home AND AT FIRST. This is ridiculous.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Excellent, Duqu!

Though one quick note: the Yankees won NO world championships in the '80s, so technically we can't win fewer.

BUT...this would be the first decade since the 1910s—a CENTURY ago!—when we did not even win a pennant.

SAD!

Anonymous said...

THE RED SOX HAD NO PROBLEM GOING WITH A LOUSY FIELDING TANDEM AT 3RD BASE ALL SEASON, AS LONG AS THEY HIT AND PRODUCED. THEY WON THE RING WITH THIS.

COOP, ON THE OTHER HAND, CAN'T BEAR TO NOT HAVE A "GLOVE MAN" AT ALL POSITIONS.

IT IS WHY WE HAD TO LIVE THROUGH STEPHEN DREW, AND CHASE HEADLEY FOR WHAT SEEMED TO BE AN ETERNITY. IN HIS MIND, BOTH WERE SOLID "GLOVE MEN".

FUNNY THING IS, THE 2 OF THEM, WEREN'T REALLY GOOD FIELDERS. DREW WAS OUT OF POSITION, AND HEADLEY STUNK.

THE POINT HERE IS THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY WE CAN'T MAKE UP OUR MINDS ON MACHADO.

COOP IS STUCK ON HIS GLOVE, AND THAT IS WHAT IS SCREWING EVERYTHING UP.

LUCKILY FOR COOP, (AND US), MIGUEL ANDUJAR HAS ALREADY ARRIVED.

WITHDRAW MACHADO'S OFFER.

MR. DUQUE IS CORRECT AGAIN, MACHADO IS A GREAT TALENT, BUT ISN'T A FIT FOR THIS TEAM RIGHT NOW.

BRYCE IS.

PASS ON MACHADO'S GLOVE, STICK WITH ANDUJAR, AND SIGN BRYCE.

KEN OF BROOKLYN IS RIGHT. I CAN SEE HARPER ELECTRIFYING THE CITY, PROVIDING THE LEFTY POP WE DESPERATELY NEED, AND FITTING PERFECTLY, SANDWICHED BETWEEN OUR 2 BIG BEHEMOTHS (JUDGE AND STANTON).

PLEASE COOP....GET IT RIGHT.

THINK .

BIG LEFTY BAT.

SUPER HIGH OBP.

YANKEE STADIUM.

THINK COOP, THINK.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Agreed, Doug K.!

I mean, sure, everything COULD go miraculously right for us, and a cloud of injuries might descendeth upon our enemies like something out of an Old Testament battle scene.

But building half-assed teams and hoping for great good luck is not the way to build dynasties, or even a single pennant.

As maybe the greatest GM ever said: 'LUCK IS THE RESIDUE OF DESIGN"!

(Had he lived today, he also would've said, "Fuck you, Brian, and fuck you, Hal.")

Carl Weitz said...

"Let's have a round of applause for your 2019 Newwwwwwwww Yorrrrrrrrrrk Yankeeeeeeeeees!!!!"

Local Bargain Jerk said...

^ (cricket noises)

Anonymous said...

I haven't really thought about it as one or the other being of the sign em both school but yes Harper makes more sense.

Which is why the reports of Harper makes no sens, makes no sense.

So put me down as Harper > Machado. But keep me down as Harper plus Machado.

Catcher: Gary Sanchez
First Base: Luke Voit
Second Base: Gleyber Torres
Shortstop: Machado over Tulo
Third Base: Miguel Andujar
Left Field: Harper over Gardner
Center Field: Aaron Hicks
Right Field: Aaron Judge
Designated Hitter: Giancarlo Stanton

Doug K.

KD said...

Coop stuck on gloves. jeez. shake any reasonably tall tree, and a good glove falls out. gotta play the kid with the stick. the fielding will come... with the right coaching and perseverance. maybe THAT'S the problem, eh?

The Wiz said...

You fools. Good gloves are super rare and they win championships! Jeter was a fluke. Levine and I tried to get rid of him for years but the old bastard loved Jeter. (seemed kind of "unnatural", know what I mean?) Nice to have someone in charge now that appreciates the value of a nickel.

Hey Brendon Ryan! Call me, bro! We could sure use that glove at 3B in late innings.

13bit said...

Doug, thanks for the lineup. And let's not forget the pitching, about which Brain-dead Brian has always been wont to say "It's the key to the kingdom."

No offense against our likable and well-meaning millionaire rotation, but our pitching is the key to the dumpster and maybe a key to the wildcard if we get lucky.

Shitty lineup, weak pitching staff, let's sell some tickets and PLAY BALL!

Maybe another part of the problem is that corporations are buying tickets and boxes as giveaways, whether we suck or not. Maybe we need the Mets to start winning so that:

1. They steal some ticket sales and make Hal look up from his comic book while he's perched on the toilet.
2 Try to shame some pride back into the organization.
3. Give the managers, coaches and staff something to emulate.

Then again, if the Red Sox becoming a premiere team didn't do that, why would it happen with the Mets? God, do we suck.

Anonymous said...

GIVE ME A TEAM WITH 8 GOLD GLOVES ON THE DIAMOND....

.....AND I WILL GIVE YOU A 4TH PLACE TEAM.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Um,, I don't get it.

Cashman is all about the gloves? Where are the gloves on the team he has now?

I would say gloves rank way below bats, but it's good to have some. Cano was a terrific glove, and A-Rod made up for Jeter's range deficit. That was enough. That's usually how very good team works. You have terrific hitters and ENOUGH gloves to get it done.

Tulo is no a glove. And frankly, I doubt if he can hit anymore.

Harper Harper Harper Harper. We can live without Manny, much as I'd like him. We cannot survive without another left bat.
Period. AlLL-CAPS has this right.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, and Doug K., much as I prefer your second lineup, you are wrong about your first lineup. It WOULD be highly entertaining. It would score runs but also give up about 1,000 runs in the field. Red Sox fans would e incredibly entertained. They would never stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

I hereby endorse ALL-CAPS and Hoss's analysis, and, for the record I would love to see duque's gem printed in the grey lady - - even if they must censor a phrase, or three.

Wiz, you jestest; thanks! All of us bro's in the blog certainly do need a good laugh.
LB (No J)

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