A Glossary of Terms

The baseball landscape has shifted. The Mets have a new owner. The minor leagues as we know them are gone. It’s a new world. To help us here at IIHIIF understand and navigate this assault on tradition and to keep us on the cutting edge of fandom here are some terms and uses we all need to become familiar with…

Getting Bucked

This is where your number one announcer skips an important game such as a Game Seven, to call a midseason meaningless game in another sport. For example, if the day before a game against the dreaded Tampa Bay Rays (who apparently are now dreaded)  Michael Kay decides to be a judge at a Fordham debate team match versus Iona.  If so, you would hear, “Wow YES really got Bucked on that one.”

Pissing Into the Shift

Since the advent of the shift players unable to adjust, (Cough, Mike Ford) will continue to hit the ball to the fourth outfielder.  Hitting into the shift does not convey the futility of this approach. Hence the new phrase, Pissing into the Shift, which seems more accurate.

PIS

The stat that tracks the frequency of Pissing Into the Shift.  “This PIS report brought to you by Flomax.  PIS less frequently with Flomax.  “Ford PISs 87% of the time. He should bunt.”

Bunting

A term once used to define a type of hit where the batter chokes up in an extreme fashion and just tries to make contact with the ball. Generally used to advance a runner, or occasionally in the case of a fast runner, to try to get a hit, this once exciting play has pretty much fallen into disuse.

Currently the only bunting in baseball refers to colorful banners, generally Red White and Blue, that are  used to festoon a stadium during the World Series. So as Yankee fans we no longer have to concern ourselves with it.

The Automatic Pitcher

One of the new ideas that came out of last season was the Extra Inning Automatic Runner.  By starting a runner at second base MLB hoped to add excitement, strategy, and to get everyone home at a decent hour while fighting the spread of Covid-19.  (I question the science.  Does Covid spread more during ties? Is it a fatigue thing?)

The acceptance of this schoolyard solution is going to lead to others. Such as The Automatic Pitcher, who, in this take on the Automatic Quarterback, (Used in pick up games when you are a player short) ,  agrees to pitch for both teams.  Stupid?  Pitching costs continue to increase every year. Imagine the delight in the front office when that number is cut in half.

Openers

The overuse of relivers is becoming a joke,  which explains why they now use openers.  This gives the fans a chance to settle into their seats and fulfil their two drink minimums while watching a pitcher, who has only developed one or two pitches, strike out the first six batters. If you miss it. No big deal. He wasn’t who you paid to see anyway.

Tipping Pitches

This occurs when a really heavy pitcher (Think David Wells) takes the mound and a drunk fan charges onto the field and pushes him over.  Wait, that’s Tipping Pitchers. Sorry. 

Tipping pitches is when a pitcher continuously gets shelled because he’s not as good as he once was due to age and wear and it is decided that the batters know where the ball is going based on the release. This used to be called pitching and if you’re good enough it shouldn’t matter. Everyone knew what Mariano threw.  It just a part of the back and forth battle of adjustments that make the game interesting

This should  not be confused with…

Cheating

Buzzers, video cameras, phones, apple watches and other technology used to help batters are ILLEGAL. Using them is cheating!  Baseball takes this VERY seriously and it can result in you losing your job for a brief period of time during a truncated season. Did you know that the Red Sox gave the clubhouse video guy his job back? I’m serious, I read it yesterday. WTF!

Exit Velo/Launch Angle

These stats taken together explain how home runs are hit.  Basically, if a player hits the ball really hard and hits it into the air it will go for a home run. It ain’t rocket science. However, Exit Velo is also used to make fans think that a player is better than he is. “Sure, Gary is batting .136 but he has three of the ten hardest hit balls in MLB this year. So, there’s that.”

And finally,

Luxury Tax

Apparently the only tax paid by wealthy people. And, surprise, surprise, who gets screwed? We do. (This was not a political statement. I promise. More a commentary on wealth distribution in this country.)