Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Official Yankee view: There's nothing to fear, no reason to worry, lalalalala, everybody go home and go to bed

Everywhere, you hear the reassurances: It cannot happen. Stop worrying. There's nothing to fear. Everything is good. Everything is locked down, in the can, in the bag, a done-deal, dead solid perfect...

The Yankees won't blow this.

Nope. Can't happen. Will not happen! Those aging vets, you can count on them in the clutch. They're battle-tested, they know the score. The Yankees have carefully assembled a team of cagy, experienced warriors, and they know how to win. Lalalalalala...

Why would anybody worry? After all, the Empire has played one game over .500 since early August. They are 13-19 in their last 32 home games. A-Rod is hitting .167 over his last 11. Our lineup couldn't hit a lefty with tennis rackets. We're practicing John Ryan Murphy at 1B. Last night, Michael Pineda gave up six runs before recording his second out. Tanaka goes tonight, first time since he tweaked his hammy, which happened when Girardi started him on four days rest. Oh yes, everything is groovy!

Nope. Nothing to fear. No way the Yankees get swept at home by the lowly Redsocks, who - by the way - have five hitters in their lineup with higher averages than the Yankees' leader, Carlos Beltran, (at .274.) No frickin way can the Yankees lose two more. Go home, everybody. Eat a chicken and kiss your children. And - hey - if we do get swept - who cares? - because all we need to do is take 2 out of 3 in Baltimore, where old friend Buck Showalter will have his team take a knee. Right? It cannot happen. Big collapses only happen to the Mets, you know, when they had guys like, oh, Carlos Beltran.

It's been a great year! Nobody expected such success. What a pleasant surprise! The Yankees are contending for the Wild Card! We should be thankful. Everything is great! No, better than great! IT'S FANTASTIC, MAGNIFICENT, ADORABLE, AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT I'M READY TO EXPLODE, HAHAHAHAHA, WITH WILD CARD PRIDE! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! LALALALALA...

4 comments:

KD said...

Limping into the postseason playoff.. IF we make it.

But Hey! Potato, I mean Pineda, got himself together after the first. so said the YES men. What? you can't win EVERY game, can you. Be thankful, Yankees fans. THANKFUL!

ceeja said...

You mean Pinata, because that's how he was hit.

They looked terrible the last two games.

And Sterling's calls have been awful. How many times is he going to blow a home run call? I don't think he can see. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking on his part: he so desperately wants the Yanks to actually get a big hit that he is seeing things. This is the worst I've felt since Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS. The ultimate choke is coming.

Anonymous said...

NICE JOB HAL, CASH, AND JOE!...WONDERFUL...WATCHING US BLOW GAME AFTER GAME AT CRUNCH TIME WITH SHITTY ATTENDANCE IN A QUIET STADIUM.....WONDERFUL....I JUST WATCHED REFSNYDER CRACK AN OPPOSITE FIELD DOUBLE AND KNOCK IN A RUN AGAINST BOSTON...(THIS GUY COULD HAVE HELPED US WIN MORE GAMES, BUT WE DECIDED DREW IS OUR GUY)! WHY NOT? HE "ONLY" COST 5 MILLION.....ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, AFTER 20 YEARS, WE GAVE NEW YORK BACK TO THE METS......NICE WORK GUYS.... m'fer..m'fer.

Anonymous said...

Been a Yankees fan all my cognitive life, but when Headley started out his Suzyn's Star talk a couple days ago with some shit about how tough 4:00 starts are I thought about how tough its been to listen to Suzyn and John announce that he'd sailed those dozens of throws past first basemen this year and I actually thought: fuck him.

There're some good things on the horizon, maybe, but guys like Headley and CC and their Eeyore bullshit make rooting for this team problematic.