FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Posted by el duque at 6:48 AM
Carlos Beltran? It's time to say it. I retched when they signed him to a three-year deal. Throughout 2014, I ranted and raged. Three years of an ex-Met. Three stinking years! Well, I'm not saying that deal will go down as the second buying of Manhattan, but you know where we would be without Carlos? Fourth. He has lifted his average to the .280s. He is hitting with power. His HR yesterday was the kill-shot. I WAS FRICKIN WRONG!.
Chris Young? I WAS WRONG. Chase Headley? WRONG. Letting David Robertson go? WRONG. Chris Capuano? Well... hm-mm... nobody is always wrong, eh? A-Rod? Let's face it: Every Yankee fan in captivity knew he and Tex would hit if they were healthy, but they were sure to break down. Those chickens came home. Let's just see how right we are...
NEVERTHELESS... O, JUJU GODS, HEAR MY TORTURED PRAYER...
All I ask, ye kind and generous mythical figures, is one for ONE MORE STUPIDITY, one more collective grunt of ignorance, in this potentially memorable season. Make me wrong on CC Sabathia!
Make me look like Rickie Ledee trying to coax a hit against Randy Johnson. Make me swing and hurt myself. Because I - and 95 percent of the Yankiverse - now view CC as one French fry shy of a Happy Meal, with his only shot of helping this team coming out of the bullpen. But Joe intends to start him. O, please - ye imaginary Babadooks - show us up, one more time! Make us wrong again.
Help us wipe the smirks from those beery, inbred, hockey dullards to the north. There is nothing worse than coming in second to Canadians. I'd almost rather lose to Tampa, because at least you can spend the winter mocking them as "Tampons." Please, O, juju gods, I beseech you... give us one more glaring, imbecilic, Rich Kotite/Isaiah Thomas-level error of judgment. MAKE US WRONG, MAKE US WRONG, MAKE US WRONG.