10 Things To Look Forward To In 2016

1. Refsnyder will become the starting second baseman after Drew and Ryan combine for a .122 average in the first three months. Ackley won't be platooned at second because he'll have taken over at third when Headley Lamarr is jailed for his shenanigans at Rock Ridge.

2. Ellsbury will play a full year. Of pinochle. Otherwise, he hits .260 and has no power.

3. Beltran will not lead the team in batting average. That accomplishment will go to Didi when he approaches .300 for the first time since he was playing in the Babe Ruth League.

4. Gardner will show up completely healed from his wrist problems. Unfortunately, he'll be in and out of the lineup with ankle problems.


5. Tex will return to terrorize the league with his hysterical videos. In terms of playing, his biggest value will end up being his mentorship of Greg Bird at first, whose defense will markedly improve along with his ability to hit into the shift.

6. CC, sadly, will relapse after going 2-7. Severino, who will be 7-2 at that point, will assume the mantle. Tanaka will beat Dominic DeNucci and take the title after a disappointing loss to Bobo Brazil.

7. Inspired by the KC Royals, the coaching staff will go on a full-bore campaign to turn into a low-strikeout, high-contact team that doesn't rely on the home run. You know, like the 1998-2003 Yankees. Unfortunately, the new direction will not take, and the Yankees will still only win by the long ball, although the coaching approach will decrease team HRs by a third. More 2016 Yankees will strike out on failed two-strike bunts than any team in MLB history.

8. A-Rod will be better than anyone thinks and will get more rest during the season so he doesn't fold in August and September. Joe Buck will send him flowers and chocolate on more than one occasion. In his personal life, A-Rod will marry that mirror he kissed for the magazine layout some years ago. His jilted girlfriends will beat Tanaka to get the American Wrestling Association co-ed belt.

9. The bullpen will be two guys, Betances and that closer we got instead of Robertson. Everyone else will be released or traded or designated for assignment, except for Rumbelow, whose name is too funny to give up on so easily.

10. Joe Girardi will enter the Joe Torre Hall of Fame as a former catcher who became a mediocre manager that never got more out of his team than they had on paper while burning out bullpen pitchers' arms...but is able to manage the team's "personalities" really, really well.