Okay, the time capsule is now engaged. Write down your predictions - including the number of Yankee victories in 2017 - and slip it into the comments. Come October, we'll separate the truthers from the truth, the futures from the pasture.
I, el Duque - of questionable plumbing and one working ear - hereby predict:
1. The 2017 Yankees will finish third in the AL East and miss the Wild Card by three smidgens.
2. They will win 83 games - two above the vaunted .500 of eternal doom.
3. October will end with Brian Cashman booted upstairs to become a full-time Steinbrenner family cabana boy, and his hand-picked successor - I'm thinking Gary Denbo - will take the reigns of Official IT IS HIGH Whipping Mule.
4. Gary Sanchez will hit 29 home runs and bat .250. He will be hailed as one of the elite catchers in baseball, but his currently planned John Sterling homer holler - "The San-bino" - will not stick.
5. Masahiro Tanaka will win 18 games and finish third in the Cy Young balloting. He will opt-out of his contract and sign a ten-year, gazillion dollar deal with the Yankees, which guarantees that, no matter how great he'll be this year, we will eventually cringe at hearing his name.
6. Jacoby Ellsbury will have a great season, winning Comeback Player of the Year, Yankee team MVP and a Grammy for Best Spoken Word Autobiography. Then, on October 6, he will be traded for a ham hock.
7. In mid-August, the inexorable twilight of the gods will continue, as the Yankiverse mourns the untimely death of Greg Bird's hairless cat.
8. To honor their announcers' final season, the Yankees will hold "John and Suzyn Day" at Yankee Stadium. In front of a sell-out crowd, Hal Steinbrenner will unveil a bronze plaque of the pair. Suzyn will look suspiciously like the IBS lady.
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S GOT PREDICTIONS? Remember: Number of Yankee vics in 2017!