Monday, March 27, 2017

Breaking down the analytics for Chris Carter's homer holler

It's an unwritten rule of creation that every Yankee - even the light-hitting Ronald Torreyes ("Torreyes is terrific! Bonny Ronnie!") - gets a John Sterling yahoo yelp. When a new player arrives, the Yankiverse debates ideas for The Master's call.

Yet Chris Carter - last year's NL home run leader - has never conjured much discussion within the Yankee peanut gallery. (A subReddit devoted to the subject came up with one putrid offering: "Carter really jimmied that one." - Ouch.) Now, with Greg Bird having a great spring, Carter's presence has only diminished further. He's become the Yankee Voldemort - He Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken. 

So... what WILL The Master shout? Let's do the analytics on a proper two-pronged homer holler. We'll break it down, courtesy of RhymeZone.com:

CARTER rhymes with..


arterbartercart hercharterchart herdarterdartregarterharter,hartterheart herkartermartermartyrparterpart hersartor,smarterstarterstart hertartartarter 



Not much there.

"Carter charters a downtown flight!"

"No barter for Carter."

"It's a start... from Cart... er.!

Okay, moving on... CHRIS rhymes with....


Hm-mm.

"Chris it goodbye!"
"Chris doesn't miss!"
"Says Chris, 'Take this!'"

So... one from column A, one from column B. Or... wait: What if we use the fact that "Chris Carter" is also the name of the guy who created the X-Files?

"Straight the Chris-File. The truth is out there... and so is the ball!"

All right, who's got a better Chris? Or has The Master already played his hand?

15 comments:

Leinstery said...

His initials are CC. John has been known to recycle calls and "Whoever says CC you later" has been done before. That's my bet.

Anonymous said...

"Carter sends a liver pill to the upper deck." (Or is that too commercial)?

Anonymous said...

Gomer just said, "Goooollllly, Sargent Carter!"

13bit said...

Am I the only one who thought of "Farter?" I guess my default is to the gross and scatalogical, but hey..."CARTER RIPS A FARTER!" is pretty strong, in my book. My book, of course, has been falling apart for years.

"PURE BLISS FROM CHRIS!!!" is not really the Master's style, but let me keep riffing while I"m still sitting down.

"TESTICULAR CHRISTOPHER DELIVERS THE GOODS!" Am I on shaky ground here?

"MR CARTER THE FIRE STARTER!"

Ok. My work is done. I need to go lie down.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Carter hits it harder!

Carter goes yarder!

Chris doesn't miss!

Chris whacks the piss out of this!


This is tough, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

CARTER...... DRIVES IT FARTHER!

Anonymous said...

I LIKE 13 BITS, "PURE BLISS FROM CHRIS" ....
ALSO, anonymous' " CARTER SENDS A LITTLE LIVER PILL INTO THE STANDS"
HONORABLE MENTION: LBJ's "CARTER GOES YARDER"

KD said...

Oh, Boston! Your starter is a martyr, so says Chris Carter!

13bit said...

CAAAARTER IS GETTTTING HAAAARDER!!!!

THE CARTING COMPANY TAAAAAKES IT AWAAAAAAAY!!!!!

HITCH YOUR CART TO THAT ONE!!! IIIIIIITTT'S GOOOOOOOOOONE!

CHRISTOPHER CART GOES YARD!!!

but what if he never gets to play? isn't the ideal homer holler for him the one that we NEVER get to hear???

Tom said...

duque's "Chris it goodbye" gets my vote

ranger_lp said...

He's reading these right?

el duque said...

The Master doesn't do the Internet.

That's Suzyn's job.

John M said...

How about, "Wow, he didn't strike out!"

Alphonso said...

"It went farther, with Carter."

Who gives a shit about rhyme?

joe de pastry said...

LBJ nailed it with Carter goes yarder.