Three Saturdays from now - if we're still alive - time will begin anew. Our roster will be carved in wax, with Brigadoon Refsnyder either our 25th man or Fed-Exed back to Scranton under heavy sedation. Two "starters" will have evolved from the primordial ooze of spring - I predict the Luis twins, Cess and Sevy!
In the way that media assholes praised Trump's "presidential" speech before Congress, so will YES commentators be talking up Jacoby Ellsbury. We have both for four years, and nothing shy of a golden shower video will change that. So let the healing begin! We must think positive thoughts. On that note, enjoy your breakfast pork chops.
We rightfully call Prince Hal "cheap," because it's the Yankees he owns, not Big Lots, but, by comparison, Freddy Wilpon is the old guy in coveralls who sells 8-track tapes out of his Ford Falcon. The Mets won't upgrade Noah Syndergaard - third best starter in baseball - from the bare $605,000 minimum. When Thor finally bolts, two years from now, watch Fred scream about all the money these selfish players make.
River Ave second-guesses the $13 million Matt Holliday signing, suggesting that 205 strikeouts from $3.5 million Chris Carter is more cost-effective. Insert sigh here. When Yankee fans are arguing over frugality, Satan has won. For the millionth time, let me remind you that Hal Steinbrenner is a billionaire - CAPITAL B - who pretends to be a millionaire so we will feel sorry for him. For him, every financial decision is a parlor game. When Hal caps payroll, it's just for fun. And when we take his side in arguments, we are chumps.
In a vote of confidence for Didi Gregorius, Gleyber Torres will play a few games at 2B next week. Apparently, Joe Girardi doesn't want to upset the delicate psyche of Chase Headley, by having Mr. Gleyber handle a few grounders at third. Either that, or Miguel Andujar has claimed the future. Either way, without A-Rod in camp, the critical role of Yankee Spring Pariah has been co-claimed by Headley and Ellsbury. If spring's best rookie gets a watch, the official Camp Pariah should receive an ice pick, or something potentially harmful.
Yesterday, the Yankiverse held its breath as Luis Severino threw his vaunted change-up, a pitch as highly anticipated as the second season of Mr. Robot. Nobody hit it into the Gulf of Mexico, although Jose Bautista did homer off a fastball, which catcher Austin Romine says he wouldn't have called, if this were the regular season. (I don't understand that either. But it's spring, and our excuses are still rusty.)
The Yankees have the second best farm system in baseball, according to MLB.Com. Atlanta is ranked Number One. It's safe to say that if we fall apart again, requiring another July 31 sell-off, we will claim the top spot.
David Price will not need elbow surgery. Yet. Last year, though a disappointment to the frat house intellectuals of Boston, Price threw 230 innings. "He's been durable," manager John Farrell says. Three Saturdays left, and he will miss at least two.
Our plan is working perfectly, mwah-hahahahaaaaaaa!