This stroke of genius will get America feeling normal again. Soon, the crack of the bat and whisper of blowing sand dunes will signal a nightly diversion to the ongoing plague. Some of the most delightful aspects of this Mohave League:
1. Teams will self-isolate, living in Phoenix-area hotels, away from families and humanity.
2. Due to the intense, 110-degree daytime heat, games will be played at night. Yankee games could start around 10 p.m. on the East Coast.
3. Players will constantly be tested for the virus. This will enliven the pennant race, because at any time, one infected player could blow up his team.
4. Games will be played in empty stadiums, without fans. Thus, players will be able to hear what Micheal Kay and Coney are saying in real time.
5. To compensate for the loss of loved ones, each player will be assigned a service iguana.
6. Games could be called due to sandstorms.
7. Instead of being sent to Scranton, a demoted Yankee will go on a "walkabout."
8. Annual home run derby to be held in Grand Canyon.
9. Rosters will be expanded to take into account scorpion bites and third-degree asphalt burns.
10. When coming to bat, all Latino players must present papers to former Sheriff Joe Arpaio.
11. New signature call by The Master: "IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... oh, I got sand in my eye, what happened?"
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10 comments:
Do we want to start a pool on what day Stanton gets attacked by a Scorpio and misses the rest of the season?
If the season starts June 1, I’ll put $5 on June 27
I'd like every Thursday in July please.
It's not going to work. Even if they do it in empty stadiums it's not like the players play in a vacuum. There's support staff for the teams, support staff for the stadium, support staff for the broadcasts etc.
Let's say they go local with all those people. And we're talking what? five games a day? 10? full schedule? Multiple locations? There's no way to stop infection once the "ball" starts rolling.
It's a fantasy.
Listen, clearly I love baseball. I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't and may I add not having Yankee games to watch blows a three hour hole in my day at a time when I am quarantined and have been for WEEKS and would really benefit from getting the games back. But, I understand (as an adult that it's not a good idea so I'll just watch something else (or try to read Pynchon)
Because this plan this isn't about me or other fans. This is about TV money so they should drop the pretense.
As an alternative they could go full dystopia and have prisoners play the games. Based on what I've read they are in deep trouble right now. Maybe the winning teams could get pardons, or eaten, or be allowed to meet Richard Dawson (is he still alive?)
I'm sure non athletic prisoners can handle the support chores. That way we get to watch baseball and they get a couple of hours on the outside.
More if they tunnel out of the tunnel.
I'd watch. Maybe do it by gang affiliation or the federal prisoners vs state. The county guys could be the farm clubs...
But I digress.
Bad ideas all around.
Stay healthy everyone.
Doug K.
Excellent analysis Doug K.! I give it 3 and 1/2 Pauline Hickeys!
Amen, Doug. Good to see you, Winnie.
Fuck MLB and a pox on their dripping dicks for eternity.
I like the idea. Though maybe they should play some games in that silly, 'Field of Dreams' park where the Yanks are supposed to play this year.
At least nobody has to go to London.
Also, Yanks should hold out for a July start, so more guys are back.
I think the Yankees will be playing in Brisbee.
Either that , or we could move to Wuhan, where their lockdown ends tomorrow.
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