Virtual Game 11: Yanks Stomp, Fillet, Grind Birds Into Dust, 16-3. Stanton a Vegan.

In Virtual Baseball today, the Yankees dished out their usual pounding to the Orioles, 16-3.  Line drives off the bat of Miguel Andujar injured three different Baltimore infielders, they were hit so hard.  As the third one was carried off the field, O's outfielders were seen openly weeping.

It was also a good day for D.J. LeMahieu, who made a circus catch on a can o' corn, hit for the cycle with a Texas Leaguer, a two-sacker, a three-bagger, and a dinger.  Clint Frazier made a spectacular, over the should catch, facilitated by the fact that he began the play facing the wrong way.

J.A. Happ cruised to 3-0 record.

Afterwards, Manager Ma Boone had a faraway look in his eyes.

"Aren't the Orioles dreamy?  Can't we play them everyday?" he asked reporters.

The big news of the day, though, was a press conference in which a surprisingly svelte Giancarlo Stanton announced that, in keeping with his declaration from the day before that his body is a temple, he will now become a vegan.  Sportswriters, unfamiliar with the term, thought he was changing his citizenship.

"What it means is this:  no meat, no fish, no eggs, no milk," Stanton explained, standing next to his friend, Oscar-winning actor Joaquin Phoenix.  "Dairy is murder!  Milking is torture!  Free the cows!  Burn the barns!"

Stanton then pumped a black-and-white glove fist into the air, and made a strange, ululating sound that Mr. Phoenix informed the flummoxed press corps was a cry of solidarity with the world's heifers.

The Yankees outfielder did not give a timetable as to when he might be expected back in the lineup.