Due to Financial Crisis, Hank Urges No Postseason

Due to the ongoing economic crisis and the future uncertainty of the financial sector, Hank Steinbrenner has petitioned Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig to postpone all postseason play until further notice.

"This is a time of national crisis, so I'm told," Steinbrenner said at a press conference today. "As such, it is our patriotic duty to suspend any talk of championships until such time as the situation has calmed down. That time probably being next February or March."

When asked if this was an unwarranted intrusion into the national game, Steinbrenner replied, "We cannot lose sight of the fact that millions of fans around the Northeast and in the Boca Raton area are facing terrible uncertainty this fall. Until that uncertainty lifts, we shouldn't proceed with the postseason. "

Such a move would prevent many millions of dollars being spent on games, money which could be used to alleviate the nation's lending and mortgage crises, according to Steinbrenner. It would also "buy time for brokerage and investment firms, so they can more easily afford skyboxes next year. I'm not talking about just our skyboxes, but also those for the Mets. I'm not being a selfish douche about this, believe me."