Top scientists are theorizing that particles from the future -- the kind that are oblvious to the time/space continuum, which somehow keeps Nick Swisher's batting average a neutrino below .250 -- are sabotaging humankind's efforts to get the Large Hadron Collider to spin really fast, cough up the secret to life and create a truly frothy Starbucks frappicino.
Explains the New York Times:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
This is good news.
It means that our greatest thinkers do go to movies, after all.
But if particles can sabotage the Hadron, could they impede our Miracle March to No. 27?
Are we being screwed by the future? Has anybody ran a Geiger counter near that home plate umpire in game two against the Twins? That guy was in another time zone.
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2 comments:
Scientific evidence of a curse.
Im going to go get a bag of Higgs boson and sprinkle it on homeplate at Fenway.
Wish me luck.
Isn't Higgs Boson a congressman from Mississippi?
Which would explain why the state is still in the 1950s.
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