Never in history have the New York Yankees been more humilated than Wednesday night, when the team's on-field leader was captured -- in a true example of Jumbotron justice -- attempting to lie his way onto first base.
Today, the pitch and hue of the team's 27 World Championships -- once sources of pride to Yankee fans everywhere -- have been permanently soiled by this deceitful act. It will be hard, if not impossible, for New Yorkers to ever root for Jeter again. Surely, John Sterling will stop calling him "El Capitan." It just won't seem right.
Clearly, Jeter now can never be elected to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. His Rookie of the Year trophy should be returned. His statistics should be deleted from Yankee data bases.
In fact, we call upon Commissioner Bud Selig to summon the great former senator George Mitchell to launch another 18-month probe of the Yankees. MLB copyright lawyers and private investigators should scrutinize every HBP in Jeter's career, so determine whether this horrible man is a serial Hit-By-Pitched-Ball sociopath. This must occur soon, before Jeter is allowed to marry Minka Kelly, one of America's most beloved actresses. If Jeters lies on the baseball field, who knows what he says in bed!
Today, the Yankiverse is stunned and reeling.
Derek Jeter must step down now, and photographs of him should be removed from Yankee Stadium, Yankee websites and stores.
Only then can the healing begin.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Yankeetorial: Jeter must resign over Beangate scandal
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4 comments:
WTF? The man's supposed to get on first base. It would be better if he put his head over the plate and took one for the team instead of getting a thread of his uniform realigned?
Forget George Mitchell.
This is a job for Kenneth Starr.
I don't think so. I have pictures of Selig and Mitchell in the men's room
at the Minnesota Airport. Oh yeah, Ken Star was there too.
Clemens would bend over backwards when his doctor told him to "take one for the team"
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