Friday, August 3, 2012

Olympicsatorial: The Chinese badminton team doesn't even know how to throw a game

Clips of the Chinese badminton team this week purposely slapping birdies into the floor are a disgrace, an embarrassment to the great tradition of the Olympics. What a bunch of dorks.

The Olympics ruling committee of international harrumphers rightfully tossed these clods from the vaunted 2012 games, and let's hope their ruthless leaders back in the underground doom castles of China deal with them accordingly - and I don't mean just reddening rumps with ping-pong paddles.

These "actors" have rolled back the art of losing by 100 years. They stand as an affront to the traditions of Shoeless Joe Jackson and the courageous point-shavers from City College in 1951.

Everybody knows that, when called upon to lose, you don't just whack the frickin' birdie into the floor 21 straight times. You volley. It's not that hard. You end up losing 21-19, or whatever the score needs to be. You don't stand there like a lump of clotted bull semen and motionlessly watch the birdie fly past your ear. You dive for it, you twist an ankle, you writhe in pain and you condemn the gods for turning the damn thing in mid-flight, causing your errant return. Jesus Christ, every fourth-grader in America knows this. They don't teach basic human acting in China?

Folks, this is what's wrong with communism. They're raising their kids to be unthinking globs of spit, and when the time comes to deliver, they lose like robot zombies. This was the role of a lifetime: Get in there, give it everything... and come up short. If I were fixing a game, I wouldn't trust anybody from China. I hope that's not a racist statement. I apologize if it offends anybody. But after this debacle, how can you trust any Chinese person to throw a game?

1 comment:

John M said...

I don't think it's racist. After all, the mainland Chinese are a bunch of godless Commies. The fact that they are Chinese, specifically, does not enter into the equation. And the way they hawk up chunks of their lungs every morning in the loudest, most disgusting way possible before noisily spitting the Amityville Horror of sputum in the sink...

OK, well, that might be racist or something. Not sure. It is a pretty gross ritual, though.