FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Monday, August 6, 2012
Yankeetorial: OK, all you AJ Burnett bashers, let's celebrate the magic that is Diego Moreno and Exicardo Cayones
Posted by el duque at 7:25 AM
Diego Moreno, 26, a RH pitcher who when coming off the bus must resemble the profile of Bea "Maude" Arthur (6'1, 170 pounds) pitched most of last year in the Florida State League, making him one of the more seasoned veterans of Class A. Last year, Diego went 2-4 with a 3.21 ERA. And that's all we know. This year, he must be playing in some secret Yankee development league, or maybe he has undergone plastic surgery and taken on a new identity, or maybe he's one of those Latino guys who hangs around the pool, singing background folk songs with Zoey Deschanel, because there is no mention of him in the Yankee fossil record.
Exicardo Cayones, 20, alias "the Big Cayones," (6'1, 183) is a LH outfielder at Staten Island. He has one home run, 10 RBIs and a .191 batting average in 107 at bats. Earlier in the year, he was batting high in the order. These days, he bats seventh or eighth. If strikeouts were hits, he'd be soaring over the Mendoza Line. But - hey - he's young! Ya never know! Anything can happen! Can't predict baseball! Who's ta say? Might catch lightning in a bottle! Yesterday's prize is tomorrow's yard sale! That's why they call it kettlecorn! The secret is in the sauce, Dr. Pimento! Oo-gachaka, oo-gachaka...
We saved $4 million this year by dealing AJ. Correction: The owners saved $4 million this year by dealing AJ. The Yankees are valued at $2 billion. Basically, we took that $4 million and resigned Freddy Garcia. Of course, we also have burned through a pile of minor league free agents - Maine, Figuroa, Ortiz, et al - and we're waiting to see if Ivan Nova has completely collapsed. AJ Burnett would have been our ace. His 14-3 is among the league's best. His 3.21 ERA belies the fact that in his third outing, May 3, he pitched 2.2. innings and gave up 12 earned runs. And his critics sure were cackling then.
AJ Burnett brought cream pies to Yankee walkoff wins. I don't remember a cream pie this year. I don't even remember a walkoff win. (Yeesh, do we have one?) Frankly, we should be lucky that Pittsburgh is in the race. Otherwise, they would have traded AJ at the deadline to one of our rivals -- and they wouldn't have settled for Diego and Exicardo.
To justify that deal takes Big Cayones. Then again, we have him!