Thursday, February 6, 2014

Derek Jeter has ditched another girlfriend because he's tired of cheating on his wife, the New York Yankees

This we know: Long ago, Derek Jeter married the Yankees.

He took his formal vows with the logo, the Steinbrenners, the uniform and the fans. We all exchanged rings, several of them. We went through good and bad times, moved into a big new house, and Jete proved to be a great provider.

Yes, now and then, he strayed. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. There was Mariah Carey. There was Jessica Alba.  There was Adrianna Lima. There were a few ex-beauty queens, another Jessica (Biel), who later snagged Justin Timberlake, and there was Minka. (You can even tabulate his stats per woman.) There were rumors he was going to drop us for Minka. But he didn't.

I remember when Jete hosted Saturday Night Live, and the musical guest was Shakira, and every Yankee fan in captivity wondered what would happen to his bat if she got her hips around it. But she didn't. Jete was faithful. A man can service only one wife. And Jete had his: the Yankees.

Well, now Jete is pushing 40, and he's still hanging with ladies who could be his daughter, and - at least in press accounts - he's dropping them the way Gary Sheffield dropped throws to first base. The latest news is that he has dropped Hannah Davis, his latest supermodel fling, because - well - maybe she got too old and dumpy.

That old dog, he just keeps coming home to us. He's still playing shortstop. He's still playing the field. But the marriage remains intact. Jete is a one-woman man again. And his wife wears cleats.

1 comment:

KD said...

Jeet must miss the days in the 90's when all the very hot teenage girls ran around half naked carrying signs reading "Marry Me Derek!" now he get's middle aged broads offering a tooth-free BJ and complementary doses of chlamydia. sure sucks getting old, right Derek?