I hope you're happy now, Yankiverse. Because Hal Steinbrenner is LIVID. And he has a right to be... thanks to you!
After all he's done - all the money he's spent, all the owning he's done, all the time and effort he's taken, out of his own personal schedule - now, to have ungrateful fans, people who should be thanking him, complaining that his team sucks... why... dammit, he's livid... LIVID! He could scream. He should scream. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHH." That was him.
NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, YANKIVERSE. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.
Most of all, Hal is tired of hearing everybody say he's cheap. SICK AND TIRED of it! Because nothing could be further from the truth. He is the most lavish and loving owner on this planet, and HOW DARE PEOPLE SAY HE IS CHEAP. HOW DARE YOU!
So... AS OF NOW... the smart-mouthing needs to stop!
AND I AM TALKING TO YOU, EVERYBODY.
No more anti-Hal hissy fits will be tolerated. It's time for Yankee fans, sportscasters, writers, bloggers, commentors and people on the street to stop their twittering and their trash talking, and get on the 2015 Victory Bus. Otherwise, it will pull out of the station... without you.
There are exciting players on this Yankee ballclub. Chase Headley! He used to be pretty darn good. The Padres ruined him. A bunch of teams wanted him. Now, he'll blossom. Chris Capuano! Stephen Drew! The outfielder who came from the Mets last year and hit three home runs in three days! These guys don't come cheap. Players just don't rise up out of the ground, like on a farm. You have to go onto the free agent market and get them.
And then, after all that hard work... to hear complaints... from ingrates...
OK, we didn't get Moncada. We didn't want him. We don't need him. Five years from now, Boston will be stuck with a switch-hitting infielder who STILL hasn't peaked. Meanwhile, Headley will not even be 40! Who will be laughing then?
Why shell out for a guy who hasn't done anything yet, when you can buy a guy who did a lot, a few years ago?
Oh, and for the last time, everybody, Hal is NOT selling. In fact, just because so many mockers out there want him to sell, he's SUPER-NOT-SELLING. Before this, he wasn't going to sell, but now, forget it. He WILL SUPER-DOUBLE-NEVER SELL.
AND NO CUBAN PLAYERS, EITHER. How do you like that, you ungrateful nobodies! Maybe if the Yankees finish out of playoffs for a few years, you'll see how lucky you've had it. Maybe it's time to get a glimpse of how bad things could be if Hal wasn't running the team. The Yankees don't need you. How many tickets do you buy? Not as many as Hal. What are you doing for the team? What are you doing for anybody? Nothing, that's what. You're a drunk. You're a whiner. You're a total loser. Go follow the Nets. The
WHAT? YOU'RE STILL HERE?
GO, SHOO... SHOO, SHOO, SHOO! A certain Somebody has far more important things to do than listen to you. He's doing the hard work. He's owning.