The Redsocks were hung by the chimney, with luck,
Hoping Sandoval shows weighing less than a truck...
The Yankees were nestled with hope for the spring,
That Masahiro Tanaka wouldn't blow out his wing,
And Cash, to his A-Rod doll, took pins and stuck it,
When the royal Prince Hal raised a hand and yelled "FUCK IT!"
"Screw Didi, screw Gardner, screw Headley and Beltran,
"Ellsbury, Teixeira and that Brian McCann, man.
"Screw C.C., screw Didi, and screw Stephen Drew,
"And mostly, I say screw old A-(You Know Who!)
"We're the worst of the worst in the weak AL East,
"I say, let's cut our losses and pay out the least!"
Then a thought sprang from his medulla oblongata,
And he let go to Boston young Yoan Moncata.
And I heard Hal exclaim, it was almost a gloat,
"We might come in dead last, but I'll buy a new boat."