Friday, December 11, 2015

Cashman issues terror threat to Yankiverse: "We're not done."

In times like this, just keep telling yourself, over and over: Whatever they say is crapola... Whatever they say is crapola...

They stress their distaste for long, bloated contracts. They won't sign anybody until other contract bombs come off the books. Then they trade for Starlin Castro, to whom they'll shovel $38 million over the next four years.

They stress the need for a lights-out bullpen. After all, that's how the Royals did it. They'll find power arms and lock down games in the seventh. Then they trade Adam Warren and Justin Wilson.

They stress that Rob Refsnyder is ready, and how they're comfortable with Dustin Ackley as a 2B platoon. Then they piss on both guys by acquiring Castro. (At this point, we should start wondering how uppity Refsnyder must have been last summer, when he arrived from Scranton. The Yankees stress that he didn't show any attitude, but why believe them? Ref must have sashayed into the clubhouse with a red cape and two Mel Hall pet cougars on a leash. He must have addressed A-Rod as "Cabana Boy," demanded a foot massage from Joe Girardi, and screamed that all blue M&Ms must be removed from his dressing room. How else could they hate the kid so much?)

They stress how they never take a year off to rebuild. But as Joel Sherman pointed out yesterday, that's exactly what they doing.

That's OK. I'm good with a rebuilding year. I'd much prefer that to waking up to find we signed Howie Kendrick to a lifetime deal. I just keep telling myself the good news: Whatever they say doesn't matter. They lie without restriction.They view die-hard Yankee fans not as a money source or lodestone of passion. They see us as flyspecks, to be viewed with disdain. If not for fans like us, their lives would be so much easier, and - despite whatever happens next summer - they'll still be rich beyond our fantasies. So they can lie. We don't matter. And frankly, I'm even OK with that... as long as there is a dim light in the tunnel.

So Brian Cashman says the Yankees are not done dealing deals. Who cares what he says. As far as I'm concerned, he could have said Miley Cyrus has six toes and a purple tail. It doesn't matter. The 2016 Yankees can challenge for the final Wild Card birth through August 15, and if somebody blooms unexpectedly, they can ride the miserable Wild Card race into late September. Mission accomplished.

And - let's give credit - they have kept faithful to one stated objective: The team is getting younger. (It would be hard to get older.) If we get lucky, we'll go deeper into July before the wheels fall off. Because the wheels are quite brittle. At any time, in any instant, in any swing of the bat, we can lose Gardner, Ellsbury, A-Rod, Tex, CC, Tanaka, Pineda and/or Beltran - and that's not counting tweaked gonads or collisions. We can lose these guys while they're taking a crap.

They say they are not done. Thank God we know better than to listen.


Local Bargain Jerk said...


Miley Cyrus doesn't have six toes and a purple tail?

John M said...

She doesn't have a purple tail, at least. The toes thing...I dunno.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

My goal next season is to try and be less emotional about this team, I'm in such a crappy mood after another stupid loss my wife says, Oooooooh, must be the Yankees, urrggg!
But unlike management, I CARE!

Mustang said...

Ref must have sashayed into the clubhouse with a red cape and two Mel Hall pet cougars on a leash. He must have addressed A-Rod as "Cabana Boy," demanded a foot massage from Joe Girardi, and screamed that all blue M&Ms must be removed from his dressing room.


Sonic Boom said...

I'm a Yankee fan forever. I'm in it for the long haul, but I have zero respect for Ashman's abilities or intelligence. He slowly presided over the decline of a dynasty that he inherited. I long ago stopped thinking there was a master plan that I was too dim to get. They are just not that swift, yet they THINK they are - a deadly combination. Throughout my life, we have had great teams for a few years at a pop, punctuated by many years of mediocrity. We are in the middle of a long down phase now. I wish they were such bad baseball minds.

Anonymous said...


ceeja said...

Well I can live with this, but only if the Yanks trade or bench Beltran. Please, oh Lord, why are we tied to this albatross? Just because management was stupid enough to sign him for three years doesn't mean you have to start the son of a bitch. My God. The hate, the loathing, the blinding rage I felt for Drew is now focused on this useless piece of meat in Right Field.

If the Yanks are mailing it in for 2016, why do they have to play this guy? You could play Hicks, or better yet Heathcott or Judge. Or you could even see if Bird could move to RF for a few games to get him more at bats.

Why do we have to have this Glove-Of-Stone in right field?

Could we have a Ju Ju intervention to beseech the baseball Gods to smite Beltran with a broken leg or a craving to return to the Mets?

Tom said...

there is no joy in Mudville. Mighty Carlos is still in the lineup.

Alphonso said...

Just two words for those hoping a Yankee merry christmas is in store; FORGET IT.

There is no one on the planet that will take our over-priced, dead legs, dead-wood, dead-armed, old guys. We can't give them away. We can't pay enough for anyone to burden themselves with this detritus.

So stop living in Candyland.

There is no chance for a positive outcome.

Live with it.

el duque said...

Yeepers, Scroogefonzo. You don't know how to spell "Bah!"

jdrny said...

And if you want to be more depressed, remember that this right fielder led this team of millionaires in BA. !!!

jdrny said...