Thursday, March 17, 2016

Drake LaRoche Will Never Play For The White Sox

If you want more proof that history doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes, Adam LaRoche just gave it to you.


LaRoche -- admittedly at the tail end of his career and incredibly overpaid for his recent production -- has retired from the White Sox because management told him to stop bringing his son, Drake, to all of the Sox's games. You can argue whether or not it's really appropriate that "bring your kid to work day" is every goddamn day (personally, I think it's more than a touch on the weird side, but I grew up in a much different time and my dad never made $13 million for hitting .207), but if anyone in the clubhouse minded, they're not going on record during the lovefest being held in Papa LaRoche's honor.

The first thing this situation brought to mind was its uncanny resemblance to The Griffey Thing back in the 1980s. When Billy Martin was his usual alcoholic prickness and told Ken Griffey Sr. to keep Junior out of the clubhouse and locker room. Junior said that during the years his dad was with the Yankees, he was never once allowed to step onto the field at the old Stadium, and never did until he was a pro with the Mariners.

Junior's hatred of the Yankees for snubbing his young self kept us from ever signing him. We were picking up free agents right and left, but Ken Griffey Jr. steadfastly told us more than once to stick it where Billy Martin's son don't shine. (I don't even know if he had a son, but it seemed to work well in the story and was a bad joke I just couldn't resist.)

The White Sox learned nothing from Martin's curmudgeonliness. They weren't even drunk or hungover when they told LaRoche to limit the number of progeny visits to a more typical level. And now, if Drake LaRoche turns out to be a great ballplayer, you can bet dollars to beer nuts that he will never, ever even remotely consider signing with Chicago.

Unfortunately for the White Sox, they ignored the lessons of history. Which we do all the time, benching or trading youngsters to sign old, broken-down former stars or even current stars who we'll overpay long into their twilight years as they clog up the lineup.

It's kind of strange that a sport that fetishizes the past is so good at ignoring the lessons of history. But then again, you can't predict baseball. And if anyone says you can, punch him, and Trump or Goose will pay your legal expenses.

4 comments:

el duque said...

Goose could end up with a job in the Trump administration. He'll be named "First Goose."

Honey Barnes said...

What was the lesson again? Let the kid in the locker room every day on hopes he will choose them when he becomes a 201 underperformer. I get it. Thanks for the history lesson. Now get back to SXSW.

joe depressed pastry said...

Billy Martin probably never knew how many kids he fathered either.

Anonymous said...

OH, HOW GRIFFEY JR. TORTURED US OVER THE YEARS..... YOU COULD ACTUALLY SEE THE CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER THE WAY HE PLAYED AGAINST US.....