"Yelp for People" phone ap - which will surely change civilization - the Retrieval Empire yesterday exploded against the Astros with seven - 7! - hits. That's more than twice the output from last October's pre-post-season game, aka the "Wild Card."
This time, the Yankees only lost 1-0 and - more importantly - nothing matters! Hahaha! The joke is on Houston!
It's hard to gush giddy when the best you can say about yesterday is that nothing mattered. So let's do some hope-mining. After all, when Yelp-for-People gets here, you'll want to write nice things about everybody... right? I mean, anybody can dish up a cold nugget or two from the Google search. But the real dirt - the revenge dirt - that'll come from ex-spouses and playground rivals. Can you imagine what anonymous Yelpers will write about - say - A-Rod? Big Papi? Your mom?
So... the good news from yesterday:
Nobody hit. Nothing, nada, for neither team.
Luis Severino pitched three innings, gave up two hits, didn't walk anybody. Michael Pineda threw two shutout innings, and inspired another write-up by Ken Davidoff - of Jerry Hall's NY Post, crowing about how the Yankees won the Montero-Pineda trade. (Which is true, but couldn't the story wait until Pineda actually pitches in a game? Isn't crowing about about a two-inning exhibition outing sort of like proclaiming global warming is a myth because it's snowing?) The most important improvement was Jacob Lindgren, who couldn't throw strikes in his first spring outing. He seems to have regained control.
Let's keep this in mind all spring.
Jake Cave led the Yankees in hitting last spring with a .400 average. He had a fine season at Scranton, and he's now in Cinncinati.
The second best hitter last spring was Rob Refsnyder - who batted .372. He got bounced around like a traffic cone on the New Jersey Turnpike. And in third place last Grapefruit Season, it was Jose Pirela. He hit .370. He was traded to San Diego for a pitcher named Ronald Herrera. And both players spent almost the entire season in Scranton while the Yankees waited for Stephen Drew to hit. That's how much spring training means to a team built with contracts.
So nobody hit yesterday, and what is there to say? Nancy Reagan is still dead, and so is Marco Rubio. The Yankees have still won the Montero trade, and neither Cave nor Yoan Moncada - (that name! slooooowly I turn) - played for the Reds or Redsocks. But hear my warning: If the Yankees don't win this year, I'm going on Yelp for People and writing that Brian Cashman never flushes the toilet.