FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Posted by el duque at 7:56 AM
They're saying they're not worried.
They're saying if this were the regular season, he'd be playing.
Great. Just great. A partially injured Gardner... playing hurt... great.
No problemo. Rub some dirt on it. Bone bruise, that's all. Another day in Pleasantville, nobody's perfect, life is like a box of chocolates, and that's Chinatown, Jake... right?
Listenup, everybody: When Brett Gardner sprains a tweak, or bruises a turd... cue the sun, and say hello to my little friend; the horror, Mr. Kurtz, the horror. You're gonna need a bigger boat, because I got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
They're saying Gardy's bruise - which happened in the 2015 Wild Card game - hasn't completely healed. Mm-mm. Now, I'm no Sabermetrics, moneyball, power numbers, professional weenie dick - but let's do some old word math: By my count, there was...
October. November. December. January. February.
Let's see. One, two, three, four... my count: 5 months, and it hasn't healed.
We'll give him another two weeks?
Don't get me wrong. Of course, he should rest. The last thing we should do is send him out in meaningless games. But if there's one Yankee who is more compromised by injuries that Brett Gardner, I don't know who it is. Wait - I do - it's Jacoby Ellsbury! Last season, the Yankees popped like a fart balloon after that twosome turned into Ross Mosschito and Arturo Lopez due to nagging injuries. And now we find Gardner's hasn't gone away after five months?
I see dead people.
I'm wondering - just opining here - if Gardner's injury was known to the Yankees in November, when they shopped him to other teams. Or if other teams knew about it, and that's why nothing happened. I dunno. All we - as Yankee fans - can do is worry. (There's no point in being dumb and happy, when you have worrying to do.) And Brett Gardner has given us our first worry fart of 2016.
Could this open the door for Slade Heathcott? Hmm-hmm. Cue the son. May the force be with us. We're all Spartacus, right?