Thursday, March 31, 2016

Let's hope Andrew Miller and Bryan Mitchell don't have to get diagnosed on the Internet

Tuesday, we boasted the majors' best bullpen. Today, it might be second or third in the AL East. That's how fast the world changes, so let's once again give John Sterling credit for the best sports analogy ever said that was actually a metaphor about life: You can't predict baseball.

Of course, you know by now that Andrew Miller yesterday stopped a line drive with his glove wrist and has a "chip fracture." The way the Yankees are downplaying it, we shouldn't worry. How bad can a "chip fracture" be? It's just a chip. They'll rub some dirt on it. Miller's no weenie, right?

To learn more about this nuisance malady - also called a "broken wrist" - I consulted Healthtap.com, an invaluable medical resource. If any of you are bleeding from the ears, or have a golf ball-sized tumor growing out of your head, I recommend this critical self-diagnostic tool. Why waste money - and long hours in a waiting room - when you can receive expert advice in the comfort of your deathbed?

On HealthTap, someone complains of a "non-displaced triquetrum chip fracture of the left wrist," which required four weeks in a cast, and still brings soreness after activity. They ask: Is the soreness normal? Hand surgeon Dr. Stephen Brown says "Yes... Reactive swelling and discomfort in this time frame are completely normal."

Four weeks in a cast, and soreness afterwards?

Hmm. Of course, Miller doesn't pitch with that wrist, and he can wear a flexible graphine cast to immobilize it and allow pitching motion. No problem, right? But here's a question: Do you want to start a long, grueling season with your best bullpen pitcher throwing with a fractured wrist? I didn't see that particular question posted on Healthtap, so I have no answer.

Four weeks in a cast, and soreness afterwards...

Also yesterday, Brian Mitchell sprained his left big toe while covering first base. (Last year, Chris Capuano - who has made the Brewers! - messed himself up covering first in a spring game. Why don't we just tell pitchers to let grounder to first be hits until - say - June 1 - when they can figure it out?) Again, I consulted Healthtap, and let me tell you: The only way to describe my findings is: PURE TERROR.

One poor soul sprained his big toe two months ago, and it still hurts. Another sprained the big toe three months ago, and it still gives sharp pain. But listen to this: One guy has "a cluster of lumps" along the right side of his foot, near where he sprained his big toe years ago. It bothers him. A frickin cluster of lumps! Healthcap suggests he see a doctor. I say, amputate.

The Yankees downplay injuries like a political candidate pooh-poohing a scandal. "There's no problem, everything's fine, LOOK - THERE'S A-ROD'S NEW GIRLFRIEND!"

But the season is a grinder. Remember how raggedly we played last September? Who knows what the Yankees will do with Miller and Mitchell... but is it smart to run them out on Day One, already physically compromised? Isn't that a recipe for a good player to have a bad season?

My web diagnosis: We just suffered two huge setbacks. Help us, Mr. Dellin. It's all up to you.

1 comment:

Alphonso said...

We did. Two setbacks, and both to the " wrong " guys.

I have experience with both of these injuries;

1. The wrist chip is 4-6 weeks healing. Your source was right on ( the extra two weeks minimizes the post-healing soreness). Then, of course Miller has to get back in " baseball shape." So he is likely gone for two full months.

2. The sprained big toe is, in football language, turf toe. It has cost tight ends their careers. It takes forever to heal because you are constantly aggravating the injury....by walking, running, pushing off the mound, etc. Hell, you can aggravate it putting on a sock.

If you ever want either of these guys healthy in 2016, you need to send them now to Florida, where they should lie in hammocks for a month. Minimum.

I just changed my prediction for the Yankees from finishing in third place, to finishing in 4th.