Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Trump shows again why he should run the Yankees

It shouldn't surprise anybody that Paul O'Neill - our Pauly - would be endorsing Donald Trump in his quest to be elected Exalted Supreme Ruler of America. Trump's victory rally last night probably featured a $9.99 buffet, and anybody who watches YES knows what O'Neill can do with a knife and fork. His eating prowess gives Coney nightmares.

Nevertheless, the great and glorious Wizard of Trump stunned the Yankiverse last night by saying to the crowd:

“Stand up, Paul! You originally come from Ohio, right? Oh, wow. Paul O’Neill of the Yankees. Paul, you come from Ohio? Do you endorse me? I love you!”

Yes, I love you.

Yes, that's our Pauly - the breaker of water coolers, the man who drew The Walk, the brother to a Times reporter, our plaque inscribed eating-machine in Monument Park - who somehow materialized in a Trump clan rally like the reanimated corpse of Chris Christie, inching the Republican Party establishment one step closer to oblivion. 

First off, let's face it: Trump should run the Yankees, a far more important job than sitting atop the national shit pile. Last night proves once again that he is the rightful heir to old George, that Trump is the one who could lift the Yankee Excalibur sword from Babe Ruth's tomb, that he is the owner who would ruffle the secret society of ancient vampires that currently runs baseball. He would never count dimes while Boston signed David Price or Yoan Moncada. When you watch Trump so relentlessly and obsessively pursue a kingly crown that - if he wins it - would bore and destroy him, then you see a guy who would prod the Yankees to a pennant rather than the final, away-game Wild Card slot. You see the psycho, lunatic grownup third-grader who should be running the Yankees. 

Secondly, and I say this regardless of our feelings about Trump: Generally speaking, jocks are political cretins. They gravitate toward the festering human money-pimples, who own casinos and golf courses, and who hire suited smile buttons to suck up to ex-players and B-level celebrities. For every Tom Brady who accepts a foot-rub from one of Trump's publicists, there is a Peyton Manning eating Papa John's pizza, or an equally dim bulb endorsing Bernie, or Cruz, or somebody. They have no more business telling you what to think than I do, but America is now a celebritocracy, right?

Pauly O'Neill is on the Trump team? Didn't see that coming. Considering that he's also got Chris Christie in there, Trump had better keep the buffet well stocked.


KD said...

I never thought I'd see duque on the side of establishment Republicans. Strange bedfellows indeed! :-)

Tom said...

This is perfect. Trump: Wrong for America, but perfect for the Yankees. Once he makes the deal, let's crank up the YES propaganda machine to do a couple of shows on his Trumpness: "We'd win so much we'd get tired of winning."

And the Steinspawn don't have to go away unhappy. With their winnings, they could own the Cleveland Indians or Cincinnati Reds. Much better fit for Hal.

BernBabyBern said...

Just repeat to yourself a few times... He's a baseball player. He's a baseball player. He's a baseball player. ... He was a wonderful player to watch, a great guy to have on your team, and the key part of several world championship squads. None of that, however, gives anybody any reason to listen to him on political matters.

I saw a lot of anguish among young lefty Yankee fans on Twitter last night over this whole Trump endorsement from Paul. They were acting like they were betrayed by a close friend. Again, he's not your friend, he's not someone you go to for political advice. He's someone that you liked to watch play baseball. Period.

joe depressed pastry said...

On those rare occasions when I watch games on YES this year I'll mute the sound.
I'd love to listen to John and Suzy W, but all those commercial plugs during play are intolerable.

jdrny said...

Political cretin indeed. End of story.