Tuesday, March 15, 2016

SXSW continued: What would Trump say?

AUSTIN _ Shouldn't have smoked the peyote. Are you supposed to smoke peyote? I'm channeling Trump: That's my new motto, straight from 93 degrees in Austin:

I hereby propose new writing guidelines for everyone - including commentators - on this site.

We talk like Trump. We capture the spirit of America. No more pansy-wanzy, pussy-wussy, Yankalitically correct, troweled-out, pee-and-spittle, mouthlet mush. We talk like Trump.

I mean, believe me, these are desperate times! Right now, other teams - like Tampa or Canada  - they're chopping off heads. These animals, they're putting players in steel cages and drowning them. And we're thinking of honoring Big Papi at the end of the season? How stupid can our leaders be! They are utterly incompetent! Believe me, as a fan, I'm not beholden to any general managers, like the writers are. I'm self-funding this website. So I don't have to worry about them calling me up and withdrawing the money. And I'm not going to be politically correct, and say we should all sit around and cheer Big Papi and his thug fan disrupters.

I'm thinking of the way old George Steinbrenner used to handle bad dudes like Papi. He lined up Redsocks, coated baseballs with pork fat, and threw at their heads. He wasn't afraid to throw at their heads. Then, after he had knocked down 50 of them, he would single out one Redsock - a Wade Boggs or a Roger Clemens - and let them win a World Series as a Yankees, just so they could go back to Boston and tell everybody what he'd seen. And you know what? We never had trouble with Boston. AND THAT'S THE KIND OF OWNER WE NEED NOW.