FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Posted by el duque at 7:41 AM
I'm referring to David Cone, heretofore most famous in broadcasting for once yelling, "ICHIRO'S SWINGING CHOPSTICKS OUT THERE!" and whom - in my opinion - has shown a tendency to parrot the company line. Last night, Coney twice veered from the corporate manifesto, no longer picking cotton, and both times he was dead-on right.
The first followed one of those 30-second Meredith Marakovits field-level diatribes, where she chimes in about injuries or candid clubhouse conversations she's had with players. It's crapola, of course. Her job is crapola, equivalent to the woman who flags cars on a highway construction crew. For starters, most of her reports are bogus, though it's not her fault. The Yankees never disclose meaningful information about injuries - no reason to - and everybody knows it. Secondarily, Yankees are coached to never say anything in interviews. (See JETER, DEREK) They could simply speak gibberish - go "gabba-gabba-gabba" - and we'd get the message. So Marakovits pretends to be Edward R. Murrow, reporting from the front, and good night and good luck with that.
Last night, she described her conversation with Aaron Hicks, on why he started hitting recently, following five crappy months below .200. She said Hicks explained that he's had to learn how to be mentally ready for coming off the bench and not playing every day. She went on about how he's finally mastered the rhythm and "gabba-gabba-gabba..." - that's all I heard; she might as well have been explaining why Anthony Weiner sends text photos of his dick - it was Excuse No. 391 in the "Reasons I've Slumped" catalog, straight from the book.
But after a moment of cud-chewing silence, Coney said, "I DON'T GET IT... Since when is Aaron Hicks been an everyday starter in the majors?" True dat. Hicks has been in the majors for three years, and he's always been either platooned or riding the bench, and furthermore, this year he's played more than ever, because Brian Cashman traded for him. Hicks' excuse simply didn't hold water.
It's rare to have someone simply call, "Bullshit." Good for Coney.
In the seventh, he did it again. This time it happened while our "New Big Three" bullpen - Layne, Parker and Yates - aka Many Runs DMC - turned a 3-1 cliffhanger into a sickening blowout. One strategic pitch and - who knows, we could have won that game. Not with those guys. (Hey, don't get me wrong: I'm still down with the trades of August 1. We will be rewarded in the afterlife, which begins next April.) But as the Royals kept rounding the bases, Mt. Coney erupted - mentioning the pitcher not there - Luis Severino, now toiling in the mines of Scranton, so he can learn the change-up.
Coney invoked the memory of Phil Hughes in 2009. That year, Hughes switched to the bullpen and became a critical lug nut, and Coney went so far as to say that the Yankees best potential bullpen arm was not on the team. Good for him. Criticism of management - even thinly veiled - doesn't generally sit well with management. Last night, Coney spoke for all of us.
I'm still wondering... how the hell did we get all the way down to Layne, Parker and Yates? I follow the team, but those guys seem to have dropped in on Pizza Hut drones. We have interesting arms in Scranton - Diedrich Enns, Jonathan Holder and - yes - Severino. Why are we using scrap heap pick-ups? The Yankees started winning after going with youth. Now that they're technically in a Wild Card chase, must we revert to a tired, boring old team? Can Meredith explain that? Where the hell is Severino? And goddammit, play the kids!