Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Ten reasons to still follow the (Not So) Evil (Not Much of An) Empire for the last month

In the menopausal dog days of a lost season, here is why we watch:

1. The Class of 2017: Gary Sanchez, Aaron Judge, Tyler Austin, Chad Green, Luis Cessa, et al. They won't all make it. But their Yankeeographies are still being written. It's refreshing to see new bands, rather than attend another oldies show.

2. To respectfully bid farewell to Mark Teixeira. Blink, and seven years go by. This has chosen to retire as a Yankee, and for all our squawking about over-shifts and batting averages, he remains a graceful and positive teammate. He's still a gold glove at first. One of these days, he'll be an immensely popular TV announcer on Fox or ESPN. It'll be good to a Yankee in the booth. (With A-Rod, we might have two. Could we be reversing the Redsock trend?)  

3. To watch the last Yankee incarnations of Jacoby Ellsbury, Brett Gardner, Brian McCann or others. Next winter, anybody could go. It's hard to see Ellsbury and Gardner in the 2017 lineup, and Sanchez is clearly our future catcher. (But McCann could find a role; Cashman shouldn't trade him for nothing.) But the housecleaning that started July 31 has just begun.

4. To prepare ourselves physically and mentally for the one remaining critical mission of 2016: The mooning of Big Papi. On occasion, Yankee fans are called upon to achieve greatness. Jeffrey Maier heard the call. So did the guy who shot Khadaffi. September 29th will be such a moment. If we moon Papi, we will send the world a message: Yes, there can be peace.

5. To piss all over Boston. This might sound hateful, negative and nasty. Nothing could be further from the truth. I simply love to watch those fucking frat boys sob over a Redsock loss. It makes me warm. It gives me hope. It tells the world: Yes, there can be peace.

6. To keep the wealthy, Yankee-fan-hating Joginson Cano from ever again playing in a post-season game. He needs to know that leaving New York for a few measly extra dimes was the worst thing he'll ever do.

7. To monitor the final games of Scranton, Trenton, Tampa et al. Today, the mighty Railriders come to Syracuse. I will be out there at Your Name Here Stadium, collecting stool samples. Tomorrow, with our lab analysis, we'll know who on track to become a Yankee star.

8. John and Suzyn. This site is dedicated to one notion: That nowhere else in the universe will anyone more celebrate a Yankee victory... and more mourn a Yankee loss. Truth is, there is such another place: In the vast, globally warmed hearts of John and Suzyn. We get angry at them. We mock them. But they truly love the Yankees, and those feelings emerge in every game. In post-game interviews, Suzyn at times cannot even ask a question: She is too fraught with pain over the loss, or too excited over the victory. These are her sons. Some fans loathe them. They believe every team deserves a homer announcer - except the Yankees. Someday, they might get their wish: We'll have some "professional" and impartial team that properly celebrates a Blue Jays walk-off victory over the Yankees. Mark my words: We will fucking hate it.

9. We no longer have to root against the Yankees. We lost the month of July - one of the most painful periods in the Yankee fossil record. Between mid-June and August 1, we actually found ourselves rooting against this team, fearing it would spur management to trade prospects for another round of Alphonso Sorianos. The crisis has passed. We have a future again. It's safe to root for the team. (BTW, I have a secret belief that Hal Steinbrenner is a perfect clone of his dad, though on a faster time line. We have been going through Hal's horrible 1980s. We're now in 1990, still bad, but turning the corner. His version of the 1996-200, Jeter-Mariano dynasty could arrive around 2020.)

10. Dietrich Enns. Huh? WTF? Yes, Dietrich Enns. He's a 25-year-old lefty starter at Scranton. Look him up. He's been our most effective minor league pitcher this season, if you go by results. (He is 7-2 with an ERA of 1.33 at Scranton - after going 7-2 and 1.93 at Trenton; yes, his 2016 record overall is 14-4.) But the nameless scouts don't rank him high on prospect lists. Will he get a chance? Will somebody vault out of nowhere to lead us? Probably not. But then again, who knows? Sometimes, you just gotta stick around to find out.

11 comments:

Alphonso said...

Dietrich Enns is likely 35 years old and has had two arm surgeries, a shoulder displacement and a bicep-octomy.

Above which, he is Dutch or German or Finnish.

He hails from a non baseball playing republic or dictatorship.

If he is the 10th, and last reason, for watching this team without rancor, I accept.

However, I do ( seriously ) question my judgement.

EdKingCartoons said...

How can you call John Sterling a 'homer' ?! All he does is bitch and moan about how this team 'just doesn't hit' and fret about how they can 'score this runner without a hit' and 'I know I've said it a million times and you're tired of hearing it'... STOP! Just STOP!! Before I kill myself. It's not a true housecleaning without going through the announcers' booth! (I like Suzyn. We can keep her. But change her name-spelling.)

I'm Bill White said...

WSJ article on Mets broadcast team could be about Rizzuto and White. I wonder how it made the Master feel at this morning's breakfast table in Seattle.

Rogerb said...

I knew a Dietrich in junior high school. 50 years ago. In Bethany, Connecticut. His family was German, his father some kind of Professor, and he was very sophisticated by the standards of a 13 year old. Dietrich apparently had spent 7th grade in Heidelberg or some such place while his father taught at a German university. Mr Kelso, our gym teacher, stuck him in the outfield during softball and Dietrich kept muttering "Bulls**t, Bulls**t", and Mr. Kelso ran out onto the field and physically yanked him off it and yelled at him, "You're such a big shot since you came back from Germany--get out of here." Mr. Kelso sent him to the locker room, where I think he probably smoked a cigarette. A week later, at the Amity Shopping Center, I was in the car reading a Sporting News while my mother was shopping and Dietrich looked into the car and after I rolled down the window to talk to him he began mocking me for reading it, in a very mean spirited, even threatening, way. So a lot has happened since then --- the Sporting News has met its demise as "The Bible of Baseball", and you don't really roll down windows anymore, they are all electronically powered. Thanks for letting me share.

Tom said...

You just can't predict blog posts or Dietrich stories.

Anonymous said...

el duque -- you're all misty-eyed about watching Teixeira's everyday presence in the lineup sabotage the Yankees' frail remaining chances of making the playoffs thereby also retarding the development of Tyler Austin? Teixeira should be outrighted--that's what any sane managment team would have done two months ago. You're way off on this one.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Agree on all points El Duque, very well done!
I'm actually as excited as John and Suzyn about the potential of this team, a FAAAAR cry from a month ago when I was running thru the streets with a pitchfork screaming Reverse JuJu, Reverse JuJu!
Last month we could predict baseball,,,,,,,, now, I can finally root for my team!

Anonymous said...

KILL GARY COHEN.

Anonymous said...

KILL HOWIE ROSE.

el duque said...

Now, now... I know you're joking, Caps. We don't advocate violence.

"LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP!"

Anonymous said...

SORRY EL DUQUE, BUT WHEN GARY COHEN STARTS YELLING AND SCREAMING AFTER A MET HITS A HOME RUN, OR DOES SOMETHING GOOD, I FEEL LIKE I NEED SECURITY IN THE ROOM BECAUSE I WANT TO BREAK EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE......I FEEL LIKE HE KNOWS I GET MAD WHEN HE YELLS, SO HE YELLS LOUDER AND LOUDER......AND WHEN I HEAR HOWIE ROSE DO THE GAME ON THE RADIO, I FEEL LIKE HE'S TALKING TO A FUCKING 7 YEAR OLD..... YET EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF THE MASTER (AND SUZYN)...... CAN WE SETTLE FOR "CHOKE THEM OUT! CHOKE THEM OUT!" ???.... IT IS AN MMA TERM.