The 22nd day of Moonvent

The 22nd day of Moonvent
Yes, there was an Endy

Friday, August 19, 2016

Hope for the final month: Boston is pondering Papelbon

Be honest now: Wouldn't it be karma?Wouldn't it be Kerouac? Bringing the human Boston cream pie back home to Fenway, five years past its sell-date, to resurrect the Redsock magic of that final, fateful night of 2011?

That's what they're mulling.

Ahh, Boston. You're always there for us.

Yep, they're not pushing the panic button. They're stomping it, thanks to a bullpen with more holes than the DNC firewall. Right now, Boston looks as desperate as those two swimmers who are stuck in Brazil. (Wait: Can they swim home?)

Speaking on behalf of the Yankiverse, I hereby say:

GO FOR IT, BOSTON! Sign the blowhole. Bring home your prodigal turd.

(Actually, I can think of one reason why a team would want Papelbon: His fingers might still have leftover DNA from Bryce Harper's neck, which might work in a cloning lab.)

Listen: Over the last three miserable Yankee seasons, we've had one spray-painted boulder of joy on which to luxuriate: The ongoing Boston debacle. (Where are you, o, Kung Fu Panda?) Not even Trump would put a price tag on the look in a Redsock fan's eyes after his team blows a four-run lead. It's one of those images that lasts forever: (It's up there with Roger Ailes filming his mistress in the hotel, while barking sexual commands.) Unfortunately, Boston has won a couple of rings during our hiatus, and Yoan Moncada - (That name! SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY I TURN...) should put a Maris-esque asterisk onto every happy-talk news article on how smart Hal Steinbrenner is, as the seasoned helmsman.

But make it so, Boston. Bring Papelbon home. We might have something to watch, after all.

Along with MOONING BIG PAPI!

5 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


There was a pretty good article on Papelbon this past Monday at Deadspin.com.

I particularly liked the lead sentence:

     If there’s one thing you can say about Jonathan Papelbon, the ass-faced former
     Nationals closer who moves through life like an angry 14-year-old with a boner,
     it’s that he is always exactly who you expect him to be.


Man, that's poetry to these ears.


John M said...

Love that description, LBJ.

So, is Papelbon related to Trump, then?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

14 year old?

More like FOUR year old.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA!...(ASS FACED)....HE REALLY IS!

KD said...

dude has a puckered anus where his mouth should me. His anatomy is reversed.