Monday, August 22, 2016

How would John and Suzyn react to 50,000 Yankee fans mooning Big Papi?

"... And so, Suzyn, if you think about it, tomorrow will be a completely different game - because there are entirely different pitchers. That's unlike any other sport. In baseball, teams are always different because of the... wait... stepping up to plate is our old friend, Big Papi, David Ortiz and... huh? Look at this. LOOK AT THIS! Down the right field line, some guy just turned around and unveiled two giant refrigerated hams. Wow, that's gotta ... wait... HOW DO YA LIKE THAT?" 

"Jawn, that's not... oh-boy..." 

"He got all of that. IT IS WIDE, IT IS BARE, IT IS... A MOON SHOT!" 

"Oh-boy. This is a real magilla."

"Wait... there's more! Everybody's joining in! It's an upper deck full of lower dumpers! The whole stadium - you know, Suzyn, I've always said Yankee fans are by far the most knowledgeable in baseball - they're all bending over! IT'S BIG POOPERS FOR BIG PAPI! IT'S A BUTT BOMB... FOR THE BUTTERBALL! HEY, YOU REALLY TEASED THE OAR, ORTIZ! (Singing) OH, THE RANDY FANS' CANS, I SEE THE RANDY FANS' CANS..." 

"And I tawked with Joe before the game. He never mentioned this. It's very clear, though, that some of these fans have been working with Larry Rothschild. It really looks to have paid off."  

"I'm sure Suzyn will have the full inside scoop in her clubhouse report. But look... IT'S ONLY A PAPI MOON! LET'S HEAR IT FOR DAVID ORTIZ. HE DERRIERS TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BUNS!"

"This unbelievable portrait is being painted by CertaPro Painters, who remind you to color your behinds with only the best - Sherwin Williams paints."

"THEY'RE RAISING THEIR FANNY FLAGS! Somebody out there had the Lowe's home improvement idea: LET'S MOON SOMETHING TOGETHAHHHH..."

"This call to the moon pen is brought to you by Celino and Barnes, your injury attorneys. If you get mooned at home or on the job, don't wait. Butt dial eight."

"You know, Suzyn, I don't care what anybody says: You CANNOT predict moonings. You simply cannot. I wish the people at home could see this for themselves. Papi is calling for time, he looks really moved. And we're going to take a short break. You're listening to the Yankee Radio Network... christened by cheeks!"

(Make it happen. MOON BIG PAPI.)

(What other home run moon calls could John use?)


Anonymous said...

Gad, duque, you almost caused me to lose it - - from various & sundry orifices simultaneously....LOL doesn't even begin to cover it - - this is your best one for a good while, and that's sayin' a lot....

Hope Ma & Pa Pinstripe follow your script!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

They're going to ignore you buffoons just like they ignore fans on the field, and people who have discovered the fan-mic, or stand outside the radio booth window and yell at John.