FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Could this team actually make a run for it?

Once again yesterday, the 2016 Yankees soared to the astronomical high-water status of four games above .500. Dear God, we are Icarus!

In the past, after reaching such a dizzying height, the rarefied air has caused our team to plummet like a gull flying above Dave Winfield. Based on the season thus far, the Yankees should lose their next four games, ending this silly, brief correction.

But - holy crap! - everything's changed! This weekend, we effectively replaced two .190 millstones with a pair of magical mystery tours. Maybe Tyler Austin and Aaron Judge will be great Yankee stars. Or maybe they'll go once-around-the-league. Who cares? To be worse than what we had, they must hit .185. That's hard to imagine (unless you're Aaron Hicks, but wait a minute: HE"s started to hit! Jackie Bradley III, anyone?) And have you heard of Dietich Enns?  

Still, regardless of how breathlessly the YES brown-nose brigade monitors out-of-town scoreboards, one question remains: Does this team have a snowball's chance in Kim Kardashian's dingus?

YES! Let's go to the schedule.

To take the final, wretched, one-game, away field AL Wild Card berth will require at least 86 wins. That might be a low-ball estimate, but let's drop another Fentanyl and go with it. We're in the ballpark, okay? Eight-six wins!

The Yankees have 46 games to play. To reach that magical 86-win dream bar, we must go 26 and 20 the rest of the way.

Twenty-six and twenty. Six over .500. That's fucking doable! BUT... it also matters who we beat.

This week, we host Toronto for three. If we blow this series - get swept and fall back to near .500, the NFL preseason will quickly take on new importance. We have 10 games with Toronto. It would be nice to win six. But we cannot get blown out by them, as we did last year.

After Toronto, we hit the West Coast - three with Anaheim, three with Seattle. Historically, these swings are torturous. We need to take four - and beat the Jogger's Mariners. If we could roll over both teams, September would be wild.

Next month, we have nine against the O's, eight against Tampa and seven against the Redsocks. (We also play three against KC and three against the Dodgers.)

The season ends with a six-game home-stand against Boston and Baltimore.

I don't want to sound like a YES drooler, but if Austin and Judge keep hitting, and we can find a starting pitcher (from Scranton, not by trading for Sidney Ponson - think Dietrich Enns!), who knows? Odds are, we'll soon fall back to .500, and we can forget this drivel was ever posted. But who knows?

BTW, HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW AT 8 A.M.

RENT A SOUND TRUCK, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO ALERT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

YES YES YES!...TRY DIETRICH ENNS!!!...WHY NOT???....HE REALLY ISN'T GIVING UP MANY RUNS WHENEVER HE PITCHES....SUPPOSEDLY, HE DOESN'T LIGHT UP THE RADAR GUN, BUT THE HELL WITH THAT....GIVE HIM A SHOT!....LET HIM DO 5 AND FLY!

Anonymous said...

Just a thought....How about making ARod the General Manager, and shipping out Cashman somewhere, such as the Middle East???

joe de pastry said...

The Triple A boys--Aaron, Aaron, and Austin--are driving us through the looking glass and up the comeback trail! Now we need to sign Papelbon to help Dellin and Adam [another A!] in the bullpen and psych out the Red Sux, who currently hold the second wild card spot. Celebrate! This could be as great as '78!

Alphonso said...

12-3 Tampa.