Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Cashman hits the scrap heap

There's nobody happier in this world than Brian Cashman at a flea market. It's his nirvana, his Calgon Bath moment, his golden shower. He wanders through aisles of junk and finds an old lamp that says "Maximus Super Beer." He doesn't need it. He has no place for it. His girlfriend will leave him. But hell, it costs $2. How do you walk away from a Maximus Super Beer lamp for two dings? It'll haunt him. So he buys it. And then the lamp pitches 110 innings for us. How can a lamp pitch 110 innings? It's a metaphor, moron. Jeeze, do I have to explain everything?

So yesterday, Cashman signs a lamp, who also happens to be one of the great names in Obscure Yankee History: Ji-Man Choi. He's from Korea, you'll be surprised to know. He'll cost us $700,000 - the baseball equivalent of $2. He plays first base, hasn't hit a nickel in the majors, already was suspended for PEDs, and he's now with his fourth team... at 25. This is not his first flea market.

Last week, the Angels - one of MLB's worst teams - dropped him from their 40-man. They had taken him from Baltimore in last winter's Rule 5 draft. He hit .170 for the Angels and - get this - at one point waived him, offering him back to the Orioles, and Baltimore said, "Nah, you drafted him, you keep him, no touch backs." Are we getting a picture here?

But but BUT... the Angels are run by Billy Eppler, Cashman's old buddy. Maybe Epp pointed his old boss to that lamp in the pile and whispered "Maximus Super Beer," which is a great memory from my youth. Consider this: The Ji-Man last year hit .346 in 53 games at Triple A. If he had done that in Scranton, we'd be penciling him into Monument Park. Hey, when you play the NY Lotto, you never know. Besides, that Governor's Cup isn't going to defend itself down in Moosic.

I'm figuring Ji-Man - he bats LH by the way - is the ultimate fail safe in case Greg Bird and Tyler Austin fall apart. And frankly, we need fail safes, because neither of those is a sure thing. In fact, after Dellin and El Chapo, I don't see any sure things on the 2017 Yankees. So I'm going to have a Maximus Super... "Maximum Stupor," we used to call it. Mm-mm. Beer.

5 comments:

John M said...

From the sound of it, we're going to need a failsafe for our failsafe. Expect to see Cashman at the Bushwick flea market in Brooklyn during the coming weeks.

Anonymous said...

IS THIS GUY ANY BETTER THAN CHRIS PARMALEE?...... DO WE STILL HAVE CHRIS PARMALEE?......REMEMBER IKE DAVIS?......BUT HERE'S THE FUN PART....THIS NEW GUY IS COSTING $700,000 DOLLARS FOR A TEAM THAT IS SQUEEZING EVERY NICKLE TILL THE BUFFALO SHITS??? ....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?...... THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE REASON'S CASHMAN MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.....(AND I CATCH THE METAPHOR DRIFT)...LOL

Anonymous said...

cAASman's (Yankees' management) dealings have always reminded me of a commercial on TV in which a spokesman for an oil filter commercial says "you can pay me now or you can pay me (more) later!!" It seems like these penny pinchers always end up paying more at the trade deadline (when they're faking a run at the WS), thus increasing their luxury penalties. -m

Anonymous said...

Cash-Puss just can't resist the urge to dumpster-dive; unfortunately, in the era of Prince Hamlet, he probably feels it's better than doind nothing. That, however, is faulty reasoning, as every one of those "measly million" purchases adds up to AT LEAST one decent, solid MLB player who could have been signed. Enough of this is enough - - either Prince Hamlet needs to loosen up, or Cash-Puss needs to be replaced - - or, infinitely better, BOTH should go bye-bye. LB (No J)

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