Thursday, January 26, 2017

When he comes to NY, King Felix crops Yankee swag

Seattle cops yesterday caught a guy with Felix Hernandez's engraved watch, and when they asked him to explain how it got it, he went "Humina-humina-humina..." At the suspect's home they found a 2000 Yankee World Series ring. And the plot, as they say, thickened.

How did the guy come to possess a Yankee championship ring? Was Clay Bellinger selling? Was he part of a major baseball player burglary ring?

Nope. Turns out, the ring was a cheapo knockoff. King Felix pitched at Yankee Stadium in July 2015 on a day when all fans received authentic replicas of the 2000 ring, and Felix probably swiped one with the five-finger discount. (Or maybe he bought it off a fan, who knows?)

You never think of MLB  players collecting swag, but I bet it's one of the perks. Everywhere they look, their world is filled with crapola that someone would buy, if given the chance. They could have sold Jeter's final Yankee clubhouse turd on eBay: I can imagine Steiner Collectibles putting out tasteful limited edition slices in pinstriped frames at $99.99 apiece. If CC wipes his butt, the towel is worth money. If he autographs it, the price skyrockets.

Of course, the great scrounge was former prospect Ruben Rivera, who cropped Jeet's glove in spring training. The kid was derided for it and traded to - hm-mm? - Seattle. If you think about it... could you blame the guy? Here's a teenager up from nowhere: Imagine how much that glove was worth?

Of course, for that transgression, Rivera will forever be a punch line on this blog. In fact, it's probably the only thing about his dismal career that merits being remembered. As Donald would say: Sad.

No cosmic judgments here. Our celebrity obsessed culture went off the rails a long time ago. Plus, there's a market for everything: We sell our garbage to China. So, when even a millionaire star like Fernandez sees a decent piece of swag, he thinks, "Hm-mm, why not?"

Oh, one other thing: Let's hope it's as close to a World Series ring as he ever gets.

11 comments:

KD said...

The funniest part is that the dumbass Seattle cops actually thought a Yankees fan freebie was an authentic WS ring. They let these guys carry guns out there? Jeez.

13bit said...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! Can we *think* about having an "It is High! It is Far!" get together at the Stadium at some point in high summer?

el duque said...

Done deal. It WILL happen.

Buhner's Ghost said...

Come on! It's one thing to poke fun at King Felix and Seattle cops, but this is low:

"Oh, one other thing: Let's hope it's as close to a World Series ring as he ever gets."

Your irrational hatred for Cano and all things related to him is just so petty. I thought the might Yankees and their fans would be bigger than that. You coveted King Felix for years, and now you kick dirt on his rapidly narrowing window to the World Series? Shame on you. I'd say, "I hope the Mariners kick your butts in the playoffs," except it's highly unlikely the Mariners(or any other team) will see the Yankees in the playoffs. Low.

Anonymous said...

CASHMAN WILL ACQUIRE KING FELIX IN ABOUT 3 OR 4 MORE YEARS......WHEN HIS STUFF IS DIMINISHED TO SHIT.

el duque said...

Caps is right: We'll only get King Felix when he's been reduced to Princess Felix. But know this: On all my honor as a Yankee fan... we will NEVER bend to taking Joggy Cano off your hands. No, you shall have that disloyal cupcake of a player for all of eternity, forever loping to first base so he doesn't poop himself.

The Curse is on, Buhner's Ghost. The. Curse. Is. On.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Ghost-writer, Sir:

The Ghost of 'Lectricity
Shall Howl in the Bones of Your Face!!
Yet these visions
Of Cash-Mania
Have kept me up
Past the Dawn.

P.S. Enjoy the other 7 years of Joggy's contract - - he's all yours - - psst!! Can we interest you in a slightly-used Coby Jellsbury?? Gotta' lotta' good years left, I'm sure....

LB (No J)

13bit said...

Let's plan it a bit first and maybe either get a block of tickets or have a place to meet. ONWARD!!!!

el duque said...

The place has a disco, doesn't it?

Local Bargain Jerk said...


The Mall of America has everything.*


* It helps to read the above in your best internal Eeyore voice.

KD said...

I sat out the entirety of last season and I'm ready to put my big toe back in the Yankees water. The 2017 club looks far more interesting to me. I say we all buy a IIHIIFII..c tee and meet up in front of the Steiner store. I hear they will be having a fire sale on Youkilis memorabilia, so bring some cash.