Seattle cops yesterday caught a guy with Felix Hernandez's engraved watch, and when they asked him to explain how it got it, he went "Humina-humina-humina..." At the suspect's home they found a 2000 Yankee World Series ring. And the plot, as they say, thickened.
How did the guy come to possess a Yankee championship ring? Was Clay Bellinger selling? Was he part of a major baseball player burglary ring?
Nope. Turns out, the ring was a cheapo knockoff. King Felix pitched at Yankee Stadium in July 2015 on a day when all fans received authentic replicas of the 2000 ring, and Felix probably swiped one with the five-finger discount. (Or maybe he bought it off a fan, who knows?)
You never think of MLB players collecting swag, but I bet it's one of the perks. Everywhere they look, their world is filled with crapola that someone would buy, if given the chance. They could have sold Jeter's final Yankee clubhouse turd on eBay: I can imagine Steiner Collectibles putting out tasteful limited edition slices in pinstriped frames at $99.99 apiece. If CC wipes his butt, the towel is worth money. If he autographs it, the price skyrockets.
Of course, the great scrounge was former prospect Ruben Rivera, who cropped Jeet's glove in spring training. The kid was derided for it and traded to - hm-mm? - Seattle. If you think about it... could you blame the guy? Here's a teenager up from nowhere: Imagine how much that glove was worth?
Of course, for that transgression, Rivera will forever be a punch line on this blog. In fact, it's probably the only thing about his dismal career that merits being remembered. As Donald would say: Sad.
No cosmic judgments here. Our celebrity obsessed culture went off the rails a long time ago. Plus, there's a market for everything: We sell our garbage to China. So, when even a millionaire star like Fernandez sees a decent piece of swag, he thinks, "Hm-mm, why not?"
Oh, one other thing: Let's hope it's as close to a World Series ring as he ever gets.