If the Yankees plan to send Greg Bird to Scranton, maybe they should just free him from the nest

Current spring training batting leaders

If the award were given today, Greg Bird would be named the AL's  2019 Most Meaningless Valuable Player. He would beat out HR champ Aaron Judge and the late-blooming Jose Soler of the Royals. But who could overlook Bird's .343 batting average and league-leading OBP of nearly .500! He's been a monster of meaninglessness. 

Bird has led the Ancient Empire to a 13-6 record - first place! - in the 2019 Meaningless Grapefruit standings. Best meaningless record in baseball. With less than two weeks to play, they lead the always-meaningless Nats by one-and-a-half empty games. Moreover, last place Boston (8-14) has been eliminated from the meaningless pennant. (They will, however, advance to the meaningful Grapefruit post-season, starting March 30.) 

Bird is the Paul Lynde center square to the Yankees meaningless pennant quest. Look at those numbers! LOOK AT THEM, DAMMIT! The guy's on fire! He's crushing it! When has he ever hit like this?

Hmmm. Well, on further review, I have an answer to the above question:

In the meaningless spring of 2015, Bird hit .353. And in the 2016 Grapefruit League, he hit .451. Last year, he meaninglessly sucked - .154 (which foreshadowed his .199 regular season.) 

So... what should we make of Bird's joyous, red-hot, meaningless spring?

How about this: Nothing. 

Let's not bother getting hyped for a guy who could go down as the millennials' all-time version of Kevin Maas. Moreover, Bird is apparently destined for Scranton, no matter what he does. Supposedly, the Yankees have decided that a) Luke Voit (.290 this spring) won 1B fair and square last season, and b) they won't carry two 1B on the 25-man roster. (That could change due to Aaron Hicks' injury, but I still can't figure how an extra 1B fills that hole.)

I'm not one for proposing trades. Generally, I think of each Yankee as one of my children. I want them to live nearby, be happy, and return their mother's calls, for Kricesake. But here's a thought: 

If the Yankees really plan to send Bird to Scranton next week, if his great spring as meaningless as we suspect, they ought to trade him. If they pile him onto a bus to Wilkes Barre, he will be demoralized and crushed. He will get off that bus as another Jose Pirela, Mason Williams, Zolio Almonte, Slade Heathcott, Andy Philips, or Brigadoon Refsnyder. If he goes from battling Voit to competing with Ryan McBroom, his batting average will plummet, and when the time comes to trade him, or promote him, or do something with him, we will have nothing for him: Zip, zero, zilch, Zolio...

Bird is having the best spring in Florida. (Oh, and here's another heartbreaking stat: Estevan Florial leads the AL in meaningless steals, with 5.) He's at peak foliage. If the Yankees are as cheap as they seem to be, and if they won't spend to sign Dallas Keuchel, then Cooperstown Cashman ought to hit the phones and spin another one of his meaningless deals. Strange as this may sound, I've really come to root for Greg Bird. I don't want to see him mired in Moosic. Let's not create another Brigadoon.