OPEN LETTER TO BRIAN CASHMAN

Dear Madam or Sir,

Here is how you save the Yankees:

1. Call Hideki Matsui and grovel, threaten, cajole, whatever... and get him to waive his no-trade clause to a West Coast team.

2. Call the LA Dodgers and pitch Matsui as their new clean-up hitter, noting the marketing possibilities with Japan (not including the Benihana Steak House).

3. Add a decent prospect, a notch below Ian Kennedy, and get the Dodgers and Giants in a bidding war for him and Matsui. (Note: They both have young stud pitchers.)

4. Flip the new guy, with Melky and a low-level prospect, to Minnesota for Johan Santana.

5. Send Theo Epstein a subscription to Man-Boy Love Gazette.