THE TOP 10 YANKEE PROSPECTS, BASED ON NAME POTENTIAL

'Tis the season when authorities write their Top 10 Prospects lists, based on what they read in blogs, so they can later have predicted all that happened.
.
Unfortunately, we’ve never seen these guys, and without stool samples, couldn't measure them anyway.
.
But when you heard the name,“Melky Cabrera,” didn’t you KNOW he was a player? "Joba Chamberlain." Didn't you know?
.
“Ramiro Mendoza.” Twirl the syllables on your tongue: “Ra-meeer-o-men-doah-za.”
.
That’s a name.
.
Thus, THE TOP TEN YANKEE PROSPECTS, BY NAME.

FIRST, WE OFFICIALLY MOURN THE LOSS: Tyler “The Yankee” Clippard. (Gone. Traded. Still our favorite. Worse, we can’t pronounce the guy we got.)

10 . Seth Fortenberry. (OF, single A. Can we sign a Chocula?)

9. Ryan Pope. (Pitcher. High draft pick. “POPE EXCOMMUNICATES BLUE JAYS")

8. Alberto Gonzalez. (Got him for Big Unit. Fell after his namesake quit to spend more time water-boarding with his family.)

7. Brad Suttle. (Not subtle. High draft pick. Didn’t hit a lick in the winter league. Plays 3B. Big future in this organization, eh?)

6. Prylis Cuello. (Plays 2B. Supposed to be good. We need a SS named Charybdis, so a grounder to CF must navigate between Prylis and Charybdis.)

5. Juan Miranda. (From Cuba, big muther, plays 1B, huge power, no glove. Arguing a call, he’ll read the ump his rights.)

4. Jesus Montero. (‘Nuff said.)

3. TIE: Anthony Claggett and Freuny Parra. (Pitcher from trade, low-level pick-up from the Latin American Youth Exploitation League.)

2. Melky Mesa. (Li’l Melky. Except he’s 6’1”, bigger than big Melky.)

1. Elvys Quezada. (Pitcher. The spelling. The name. The Q. The “z.” El Quezada! Elvys is Kyng! Unfortunately, he’s a bum.)

Honorable mention:
Chase Odenreider.
Reegie Corona.
Ivan Nova.
Luke Trubee.