YANKEETORIAL: DREAMING STUBBY DREAMS

Since his nepotistic ascension to post of Senior Yankee Buttcrack, we’ve assumed Hank “Stubby” Steinbrenner to be a Dolly the Sheep clone of his dad: an evil, impulsive, dictatorial clod of gasbaggery who spreads money like manure over the furrowed filth of his constant booboos, leaving the rest of us to reconsider communism.
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And yes, Stubby looks like a 20-watt bulb, with the cigs dangling from his double-chin potato mug, claiming he is not stupid, which is the first pure sign of a medulla appendectomy, as he prepares to trade our future for another pitched-out chug-a-lug.
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But… it hasn't happened yet.

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In fact, the Stubster has done what nobody in baseball ever could do (except in the post-season, when everyone does it): Make A-Rod look like a fool. Granted, he brought the choke collar back and will pay him too much. But, hey, considering that our other 3B option was the ghost of Charlie Hayes, it could be worse

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Consider this quote from Wednesday’s Times, when Hank was asked if he had seen the Mitchell report:

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“No, we really haven’t,” he said. “I think we’re speculating about it as much as everybody else. We really have no idea. I’m sure every team, every owner and every general manager is wondering the same things.”

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Hm-mm. Cogent. Lucid. He might pass a breathalyzer.
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Did the Times clean it up from the usual manglese?
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Or have we been too harsh on the Prodigal Stub?
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Is Stubby baseball’s version of dismal Poohbah offspring such as George W. Bush, Kim Jong Il and Ben Stiller? Or are we wrong about Stubby?
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Might he be baseball’s Nora Jones, the daughter of that sixties dude with the LSD and sitar: a dazzling, fresh-faced pixie who lives to make us ask, "What's next?"
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I’d have to go with George Bush and Kim Jong Il.
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But if we can dream of trading Wilson Betemit for decent shower massage, why not dream Stubby dreams?