Globe to small market Socks: "Yes, Masschusetts, there is a Santa Claus"

Yesterday, Dan Shaughnessy -- the Howard Beale of Boston newspaper columnists -- fell off his Zoloft just long enough to tell the local coupon-clippers that their Redsocks are lying scumbags when poormouthing about their finances.

Today, Globe staff therapist Nick Carfado assures the faithful that Redsock kiddies, trundling down the golden stairs on Christmas morn, will find a pony after all (once they can shed the wretched millstone known as Mike Lowell.)

Today's headline: No need for holiday rush
Sox have plenty of time to finish their shopping

"Chill out," Carfado says. "There’s no deadline in the offseason. And after tomorrow, the nontendered players will be available, too."

He says the small market Socks may get Adrian Beltre, Roy Halladay, Matt Holliday, Ari Gold, Ed Frankenscence and Arnold Myrrh. The gifts are in the mail. Santa -- a/k/a John Henry -- will soon find his checkbook in that pile of Cialis scripts, and all will be well.

Evidently, the Granderson trade bothered them.

But Carfado is right. Once the Halladay trade pinata breaks, the candy scramble will really start.

You all realize that I have no inside source. I'm clueless. Then again, so is Joel Sherman and Billy Madden. Did any of them mention Jamie Hoffmann 36 hours ago? It's all speculation. So let's dive in...

Tell me if I'm wrong... but... way I seez it...

If the Phillies get Halladay... the Angels probably write John Lackey a huge check. Boston signs a LF. We bring back Damon. Ben Sheets... who knows?

If the Angels get Halladay... they punt on Lacky. Boston chases him hard; he's always killed us. We could crush them by outbidding on him, but then we might have to punt on Damon. They still need a LF. But if we get Lackey and they get neither pitcher... Think about Shaughnny's rant that day.

If the Redsocks get Halladay... They might push for Matt Holliday and make it a pair, just for the marketing angle. We'd either have to outbid the Angels for Lackey or give Boston the mantle of owning baseball's best front three. (Beckett, Lester, Halladay... ouch.)

If we get Halladay... (goobye Jeez and Phil/Joba!) We drop out of every other free agent bidding war. Everybody's price comes down. Boston signs Lackey, a LF and maybe Beltre or Sheets.

If I were Theo, this is what I would hope to happen.

The Yankees have announced plans to bring down their budget. Nobody in the Yankiverse seems to be complaining about this. Why? Do we need a Shaughnessy to call out the Yankees? They charge $500 a seat. Spend the money, dammit. Matsui is probably gone. We can deal with that. BUT WE WANT A PONY, TOO!