These Are Taxing Times for the Welfare Queens of Baseball

Maybe my prayers have been answered. Maybe there will be a Wikileaks for sports.

Today, the greedy lawyer oil-company-loving bossturds who run MLB -- (Did you know Milwaukee will soon unveil a six-foot tall bronze statue of Bud Selig? He should sculpted with his hands on the shoulders of recently signed 15-year-old Latino boy.) -- are searching for the hero who dumped documents showing how much money the Pittsburgh Pirates, Tampa Rays and Florida Marlins ownerships pocket from luxury tax payments from winning teams.

The Pirates called a press conference yesterday to say it aint so! -- that they haven't gamed the system to make losses more profitable than wins. They worried that fans might just get the wrong idea, based on documents that were mysteriously leaked to the public -- a "criminal act," says MLB. (Too bad the documents weren't put on YouTube; then they could have been quickly erased.) The owners say they actually make no money themselves. They're just being owners out of the goodness of their hearts, trying to help the people of their towns.

We hear that a lot these days, don't we? The billionaire pigtoid running for Congress -- Republican or Democrat -- says he/she won't take one thin dime for the work. They're just doing it for the public good. Of course, the taxpayers will pay for his/her every meal, travel junket and foot massage. 

And are they saying the owner of a baseball club gets no perks? They don't cook the books? Look at the family members who are team executives. Are they making minium wage? As owner of the Texas Rangers, George W. Bush did nothing other than sell the people a new stadium. He cashed out with about $15 million and parlayed his fame into -- whatever happened to that guy, anyway? Think they'll be building a bronze statue of him in Baghdad?

Oh, I feel so so sorry for those small market owners. They're billionaires, pretending to be millionaires. And it's always the Yankees fault. "Those damn Yankees spend money trying to win! It aint fair! Do something, MLB lawyers! And find out who leaked the papers!"

Who leaked those papers? Satan, of course.