Goose says, "Nevermind," but he was the most interesting thing in the Yankee camp

The new line out of Tampa is that Goose Gossage got himself a talking-to, and he's now sorry for firing off a volley of f-bombs about uppity HR-hitting whippersnappers and squat-to-pee management types. Something came over him. Thus, the Gammonites can now focus their laser-like attention on the exciting 2016 Yankees.

That's a joke. Get it? "Exciting 2016 Yankees."

Listen: I don't know what's coming in 2016, but excitement? Nope. Thus far this spring, the Yankees have put more people to sleep than the Democratic debates. Almost all our key players are hovering near 40, each one a knee, a hip, a wrist, waiting to flare. We added nothing without yielding equal compensation - or in the case of Mr. Chapman - a potential chunk of our moral soul. This is the basically the same team that collapsed last fall. It's like the old Steven Wright joke: "I dreamed somebody replaced everything in my bedroom with an identical duplicate." This is like a school budget that's been voted down by the taxpayers, being put up for a second vote. I read write-ups from other spring camps, and I see teams with rising - maybe even outlandish - expectations. Our Hope Week will come in August. Until then, the Yankees have the Gray Goose.

OK, maybe I'm too harsh. Maybe Didi in 2016 will rise to All-Star level. Maybe Castro Starling will return to his glory Cub days. Maybe Chase Headley will... oh fuck that - he won't. When you look at the Yankees, everything hopeful comes with three ifs and two maybes. What does it say about expectations when one of the big questions of 2016 is how the Yankees should say farewell to David Ortiz?

Right now, our great Yankee hope rests with Luis Severino, the lone starter with a seemingly unlimited ceiling. We had another hope - Greg Bird - now lost for the season. I'm still not over it. And nobody has stepped up. Aaron Judge has struck out 7 times. Same with Slade Heathcott. Aaron Hicks now has 5 K's. Rob Refsnyder is ticketed for Scranton. Jorge Mateo is at least a year away. Gary Sanchez is looking for his first hit. His big moment, thus far, was drawing a walk. Tell me something hopeful. Please. Lie to me. I don't care.

So, for a day, we had Goose, straight from the Scooter Store, ripping them consarn young sluggers of today. None play for the Yankees.