The Redsocks' $20 million man, Rick Porcello, keeps getting lit up

Last year, the AL East was Division III, or maybe the Atlantic Sun Conference - (mighty Lipscomb, Jacksonville, Kennesaw State) - until August, when Toronto traded for David Price. This year, the golf-shirted Gammonites have awarded the pennant to our friends in Boston, due to their acquisition of David Price.

As Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner would say over the croquet wicket, "Well played, old sport!"

But everything hinges on throwing the ball, and Rick Porcello - Boston's presumed No. 2 starter - has been mimicking CC Sabathia all spring.

Yesterday, the $20 million-a-year man got cuffed upon by the Orioles, surrendering three home runs in six plus innings, though lowering his spring training ERA to 9.76. If Porcello - age 27 - somehow pulls a Daniel Bard, Boston is - how should I put this? - screwed, pricked, reamed up the Hanley Ramirez contract escape hatch... whatever. Their other No. 2 - Clay Buchholtz has Ellsbury's Disease, Joe Kelly didn't pan out, and Eduardo Rodriguez is in recovery. We can fear the Walking Dead - CC and Nova -  but Boston would love to have our problem right now.

Of course, think of where we'd be - and they'd be - if Food Stamps had signed Price...