Wither goest Adam Warren and John Ryan Murphy? (Answer: They're with Jake Cave)

Quick updates for that Easter basket, which you heartlessly filled with dyed, aborted chicken fetuses.

1. Thus far, Adam Warren has not pitched well for the Cubbies. He's thrown six innings, given up six earned runs - so let's see now, six divided by six, times nine, carry the naught - that's an ERA of 6.00! That's Sabathiaesque! He has struck out three, not walked anybody. Considering that Starlin Castro is the Yankees best hitter this spring, it's high time for the Gammonites of NY to pronounce the Yankees winners in the great trade.

John Ryan Murphy - the artist formerly known as JR Murphy - has been even worse. He is 2 for 25, no home runs, one RBI and six strikeouts. His batting average: .082. Considering that Aaron Hicks is tied for the Yankee lead in HRs (with Castro), it's time for the Yankiverse to celebrate having won yet another the trade! Open the Canyon of Heroes!

Jesus Montero: 9 for 38, batting .237 - no dingers. Unless somebody gets injured, he'll probably be waived next week from Jogginson Cano's new home town. It's a trade we won, long ago. (Say five hail Mary's and do not invoke the name Mark Melancon.)

And Jake Cave, the OF prospect we lost in the Rule 5 draft, is batting .244 with 10 strikeouts and one HR. The Reds are giving him a lot of opportunities, and supposedly, they are impressed with his hustle and grit, or maybe his grustle and hit. Two weeks ago, he looked like they'd be returning him to NY. Now, not so sure. He might turn out to be the one that got away.