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Friday, February 10, 2017

More new rules to save the game

As you know by now, the brain trust of baseball might test-drive a new rule for extra innings games in the minors, allowing each team to start with a runner on second base. That will hasten scoring and save teams from playing endless games - basically, for free. 

This is a great change, long-overdue. For years now, fans have been calling, shouting, begging for this. Nobody likes extra inning games, least of all those who are forced to sit through them. Moreover, how is a business supposed to make money by giving away product - for free? That's the problem with this country. People think it's their God-given right to watch a game drone on into the eleventh or twelfth inning - without paying. Well, that's not gonna happen anymore. We're gonna get rid of dull lead-off singles, bunt sacrifices and stolen base attempts - - BOOOOO-RINNNNG. Man on second. Base hit scores him. Game over. Go home. 

Here are other ways to shorten games and save this failing sport:

1. Mercy Rule. Ten-run lead in the second? Halt the game. It's over. Bye-bye. Nobody comes back anymore. It's not even worth trying. You might injure a star. All the polls show fans want this. I get calls. People say, "We want a mercy rule, Duque, but we're afraid to speak out in public. You're doing the right thing by arguing for it. God bless you. Do you even know how wonderful you are?" I shrug it off. This is not about me. It's about the movement. And it's about one of the greatest aspects of humanity: The act of mercy. I can't believe so-called "Americans" actually would no mercy to a poor team that is down and out. Shame, shame, shame. Savings: Statistically, average length will shrink by one to two minutes per year. Also, will boost excitement in nine-run games!

2. Home run - no trot. Once the ball leaves, why watch the fat guy jog the bases? New rule: He goes straight to the dugout, and we move on to the next pitch. It will save injuries. Less chance of turning an ankle. We simply can't afford to subject superstars to this wear and tear. This will encourage players to try and hit more home runs, which will improve the game. Right now, many hitters simply don't try to swing for the fences, because they fear striking out. Look at Rob Refsnyder. He wants to bat .300, rather than hit 20 HRs. I'M TIRED OF PLAYERS PUTTING THEMSELVES ABOVE THE TEAM. If he allows himself to hit - say . 210, I bet he can put up some meaning HR totals and actually benefit the Yankees! Savings: Estimated 60 seconds per HR, which means - if we can bring in the fences, as I also suggest - 15 to 20 minutes per game! Bravo.

3. Seven-inning double headers. Already a staple of the minors. Of course, MLB doesn't play double-headers anymore - you can't make money by giving away product? (SEE ABOVE) But on the few occasions when, due to rain outs or rioting, it's simply cheaper to cram in two games on one day, cut the innings. Jeez, is it rocket science? Who is going to complain? The fans? Don't make me laugh. They should be happy to get 14 innings for the price of nine. And if some whine, you know what? I'd personally like a shot at them. Oooh, what I'd do! Savings: Six innings per year. 

4. Play two innings straight in the field. This way, we don't have to sit through the warming up of pitchers and changing of the defense. The team bats for two innings, with two three-out sets. Out, out, out - defense and pitcher hold their places - out, out, out. Everything flows smoothly. Everything moves on time. Savings: Three minutes per half inning, that's about 24 minutes per game! You're home by nine, ahead of the curfew.

5. Eliminate innings, and install a game clock. Yeah, a few traditionalists will squawk. Hell with them. Play one-hour games four quarters and a nice half-time show - the Rockettes, not some preachy disco queen getting felt-up by a gaggle of gay Chippendales. Where are the June Taylor Dancers? Is Up With People still going? Each team gets three time outs. The clock stops for foul balls, which means batters can "spike it" with bunts, halting play. We'll have two-minute drills! If a fielder fumbles a grounder, the base-runner can recover! Or intercept the throw. (Another thing: Give umps whistles! They're the only refs without whistles.) Savings: Big.  

6. Something, anything, with the Irritable Bowel Syndrome lady. Not sure how to incorporate her, but I think she should be a spokeswoman for this website, and at the least, a fixture in Scranton for the coming season. Let's give Pennsylvania something to cheer.

15 comments:

John M said...

After the 9th inning in a tie game, maybe Irritable Bowel Syndrome Lady can strike key players with IBS. Then sit back and watch the fun!

13bit said...

While these are all sane, sober and logical suggestions, you left out the low-hanging fruit: two-strike outs and three-ball walks.

Anonymous said...

LETS FAST FORWARD TO THE END OF MARCH 2017.....
ROB REFSNYDER SHOCKS EVERYONE AT SPRING TRAINING AND HITS:
.343
WITH 13 HOMERS AND 23 RBI'S
EVEN PLAYS ERROR LESS BALL IN THE FIELD AT MULTIPLE POSITIONS

ON MARCH 30TH THE YANKEES SEND REFSNYDER DOWN TO SCRANTON.
BRIAN CASHMAN STATES: "WE WANT REF TO GO DOWN AND TRY SOME THINGS."

KD said...

How about after nine innings, we end the deadlock with a home run derby? The fans would LOVE it! each team picks their hitter and the IBS lady groves them into their wheelhouse. 10 pitches.

This rejiggering the game stuff is EASY!

Alphonso said...

I think we should only allow each batter one pitch. He watches it for a strike, he's out. The pitch is a ball, he walks. He get's one foul tip, then it is like bunting with two strikes. If he wants a batting average, he swings. From the pitchers side; throw fucking strikes, baby. And the defense is always on its toes. No more outfielders spitting pumpkins seeds and pounding their gloves, awaiting more nothing.

A perfect game is only 27 pitches.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


These are all great suggestions. Think of all the money we'll save not sitting there eating stadium food and drinking stadium beer.

Anonymous said...

Great point, LBJ - - that's precisely why none of these things have a snowball's chance in H-E-Dbl. Hockey-Puck (err, -STICK) (or - never mind.) Not to mention, all the time the advertisers could save, NOT buying endless commercial time....Let's do it!
Even more-so IBS lady a mascot for this site - - YEAH!! LET'S DO IT!!

Actually, #6 would have some attractions - - to everybody, maybe, besides the pitchers - - but, maybe, we could allow TWO pitchers in the game for each team, at any given time - - but they could only change, between innings. Spiffy, huh?? (confession: I never could pitch - - bad shoulder)....but, screw 'em, if they can't take a joke!!
All-CAPS: Ref might as well ask to be traded - - or do something ACTUALLY offensive to the brass (unlike to date) - - he'll never have a chance, no matter WHAT he hits, nor how great the plays he pulls off, are. He's run afoul of Cash-Puss & The Prince (wouldn't that make a great title for a sit-com??) LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

YEAH, I KNOW anonymous...... REFSNYDER HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE OF PLAYING ON THIS PROJECTED 81 WIN TEAM, NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES..... I CHUCKLE AT SOME WEBSITES AND EVEN TV SPORTS NEWS REPORTERS SAYING HOW THE YANKS HAVE A COMPETITION FOR THE RIGHT FIELD JOB CONSISTING OF AARON HICKS, AARON JUDGE, AND ROB REFSNYDER....... IT'S LAUGHABLE (PLUS IT SHOWS THE SITE, OR REPORTER, IS NOT UP TO SNUFF ON YANKEE BASEBALL.

Anonymous said...

I screwed up on one point, though, above: I meant Item #4, not Item #6 - - shame on me - - some editor.... LB (No J)

DutchFan said...

In Holland we have the mercy rule. More than 10 points difference after 7 innings ends the game.
This rule has always been part of Dutch baseball, since they started playing here.

DutchFan said...

Apart from missing out on commercials, would ik be a really bad idea to have relief pitchers warm-up before they come to the mount? So that a pitching change would only involve a guy walking from the outfield to the mount.

I'm Bill White said...

Baseball games should be 9 innings period. Winner gets 3 points, ties mean 1 point each. It would make for some very interesting action in late innings and I don't think they make a binder big enough to catalpas of the data, all of the analysis, all of the nude pictures or whatever secrets are hidden inside the binder's dark walls. I am in the minority, I get it, but if 27 outs are so beautiful to begin with, they're good enough to end with: win, loss, or draw.

Mike said...

Remove one defensive player per team for each inning played after the ninth. From the seventeenth on, the pitcher defends the field alone.

This would offer some interesting defensive strategies as the innings wear on, as well as establishing once and for all that a power closer is a must.

Alphonso said...

This is like the "let's pretend" arguments for getting the Democratic party back in the White House, and in control of the Senate and House.

Wasting a lot of air time on fantasy and idle dreams.

It is because we are all bored to death with winter, the off season, and desperate for baseball.

Pitchers and catchers are almost there. Sad that the Yankees only have three of each. But we have lots of DH's !

ranger_lp said...

Don't know if it's still the case but I remember reading that Japanese baseball games have a 3 Hour 30 Minute time limit, except for extra innings.....